


summer's over when i die

by angelboypjm



Category: K-pop, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Alternate Universe - Beach, Angst, Eventual Romance, I'm Sorry, M/M, Ocean, Summer, Swearing, Tiny bit of taekook, Travel, Walks On The Beach, tears lots of tears
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-14
Updated: 2019-07-07
Packaged: 2020-05-12 00:37:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 30,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19218046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelboypjm/pseuds/angelboypjm
Summary: Summer is a melting, slippery thing. Everything becomes too lazy to settle down completely and cast a full shadow. People float in and out of each other endlessly leaving no real beginnings or ends to fingertips and toes. Jimin and Namjoon pass through each other, but something is telling them to hold on.





	1. sunburned shirts

Summer is a melting, slippery thing. Everything becomes too lazy to settle down completely and cast a full shadow. People float in and out of each other endlessly leaving no real beginnings or ends to fingertips and toes. It’s too hot to do anything important. Simply lifting a finger causes sweat to eagerly jump to the edge of skin, ready to pour out and make sticky bodies. Something has to stick.

A sudden crash from across the room breaks Jimin’s daze. He nearly slides off of the counter he was resting his elbows on as he rushes to the front of the store. A tall man stands frozen, shattered porcelain glimmering around his feet.

“Hey, what the fuck, man!” Jimin’s coworker Taehyung is at his side in an instant, anger rolling off of him in waves.

The man lifts his head up, eyes shiny and wide, looking as if he’s about to shatter himself.

“I’m so sorry. I was trying to be careful, but it slipped-” The man’s apologies spill out of his mouth and puddle on the floor.

“I don’t care what happened. You just fucking _decimated _a Ming Dynasty era porcelain bowl. Sorry doesn’t even begin to cut it,” Taehyung interrupts, fuming. Jimin turns to place a reassuring hand on his friend’s shoulder, but it immediately gets shrugged off.__

__If possible, the man’s eyes grow wider as he starts again, “I’ll pay for it, I’ll completely reimburse you-”_ _

__He’s cut off by Taehyung throwing his head back, hands pulling too hard at his hair._ _

__“It’s not about the money. This shit is irreplaceable-”_ _

__Jimin, firmly placing both of his hands on Taehyung’s shoulders, gives him a warning look as he interjects, “I think that’s enough, Tae. He gets it.”_ _

__He leads his coworker away from the front of shop before any more damage is done. Taehyung is known to be a little overprotective of all the pieces in the shop, watching every customer like a hawk and doing almost anything to get people out of buying his favorites. Jimin knows his friend’s intensity is born from a passion for the works and art history, but it often is expressed via yelling at, and Jimin quotes, “dumbass fucking moneybags that couldn’t give less of a shit about what they’re buying besides its price tag”._ _

__Jimin tries to calm Taehyung down behind the counter, not missing the way the man is watching them in a frozen stupor at the front of the shop._ _

___“Tae, you need to calm down,” Jimin warns in a hushed whisper._  
“Calm down? You want me to calm down after that?” Taehyung has a hard time keeping his voice quiet, deep frustration still bubbling behind his eyes.  
“Just let me handle it, okay?”  
“He doesn’t get it! How does he not realize-”  
“He doesn’t get it, you’re right. So, let me handle it.” 

__Taehyung storms off to the back office as Jimin walks back up to the front of shop, broom and dustpan in hand._ _

__When the man sees Jimin approaching, he quickly fumbles for his wallet, feet still glued to his spot. Despite the way the man nearly towers over Jimin, he has never seen someone try so hard to shrink._ _

__“How much was it worth?” The man asks, obviously straining to speak in an even tone. His still glossy eyes and shaking hands give him away._ _

__Jimin sizes the man up. Judging by his summer clothes, he doesn’t look as wealthy as their typical clientele. If anything he looks like the typical college vacationers that invade the island every summer, much to Jimin’s chagrin. That is until he sees the man’s watch catch the light. It’s a flawless piece of custom work, even Jimin can tell it’s worth much more than he would like to imagine._ _

__He looks up at the man’s eyes again. Damn it._ _

__“That one was about $500,” Jimin says, unable to get himself to lie. Taehyung will kick him for it later, but the way the man looks at him is too much. Like he genuinely cares. Their customers are usually much colder than this._ _

__The man pulls all of the cash out of his wallet, offering a too large stack. Jimin pushes it back, but is met with resistance._ _

__“Please take it. I know that it doesn’t really make up for the loss, but I would like to at least pay for it,” The man is insistent, yet gentle. The men that carry around this much money aren’t supposed to be this kind._ _

__Jimin reluctantly takes the money, meeting the man’s pleading eyes._ _

__“I’ll clean it up,” The man offers, reaching out for the broom and dust pan. Jimin instinctively grabs his wrist to stop him and they both freeze. If this was any other customer Jimin would be arrested for attempted assault in an instant. Shocked by his own boldness, he quickly removes his hand and regains his composure. The man doesn’t move._ _

__Jimin tries to not let his nerves lilt his voice as he assures, “You really don’t have to do that, sir.”_ _

__The man shakes his head, putting on a slight smile as if to ease the apprehension he sees bloom in Jimin. He slowly reaches for the broom and dustpan again, keeping eye contact with Jimin._ _

__“I’m going to clean it up and then I’m going to get out of your hair. And it probably won’t mean much, but please tell your coworker he has my deepest apologies. I can tell he cares a lot about this stuff,” The man says, sincerity dripping from every word. He offers Jimin another gentle smile before dropping his head to observe the mess he made._ _

__Jimin can’t help but return the smile as he walks to the back room, feeling Taehyung’s eyes on his back as soon as he enters._ _

__“How much did you get from him?” Taehyung asks, a hint of anger still lingering in his tone. He’s sprawled out on the antique loveseat that he somehow convinced Jimin to let him keep in the office. Taehyung couldn’t stand the thought of anyone buying it and inevitably mistreating it, so much so that he was almost in tears the first time Jimin tried to sell it._ _

__“A lot more than I asked him for,” Jimin passively responds, more focused on counting the money in his hand. The man gave them nearly double the asking price._ _

__Taehyung scoffs, “What kind of idiot carries around that much cash? How rich is he to be able to afford being that stupid?” Jimin quickly shushes his friend, indicating with wide eyes that the man is still out there. Taehyung shrugs._ _

__“He was really nice, you’ve just been in a pissy mood,” Jimin harshly whispers at his friend. Taehyung’s lips push out into a small pout as his eyes make daggers at the front door._ _

__Taehyung argues, “Well, I get to be in a pissy mood this week. I’ve earned it.” He crosses his arms across his chest, seeming to sink further into the old couch. Jimin walks over and plops down next to him, resting a comforting hand on his thigh._ _

__“I know, I know, but did it have to be the one time we get a nice customer, Tae? A young one?” Jimin complains, leaning back into the loveseat and resting his head on Taehyung’s shoulder. As soon as they settle, Taehyung sharply pull his body away to look at Jimin face to face._ _

__“I can’t believe you,” Taehyung gapes at Jimin, shaking his head ever so slightly. Jimin has never seen his friend look so scandalized._ _

__“What?” Jimin gapes back, mocking Taehyung’s dramatically pulled face._ _

__Taehyung’s mouth curls into a smirk as he laughs, “You think he’s cute.”_ _

__Jimin sucks in his lips and blinks hard a few times before vehemently shaking his head. Taehyung has to stifle the laughter threatening to rack his body as he starts to hit Jimin across the chest with a throw pillow._ _

__“You can’t fucking lie to me Park Jimin,” Taehyung laughs, punctuating each word with another hit to the chest, “You think that clumsy asshole is cute.” Jimin grabs the pillow with a vice grip, threatening Taehyung with just a look of the eyes._ _

__“I’m not lying and we’re not talking about this,” Jimin curtly says, throwing the pillow back into Taehyung’s chest._ _

__Taehyung is still laughing, “You need to get out more.” Jimin looks back at Taehyung this time with no hint of attitude or challenge, just a silent and genuine plea for him to stop._ _

__Taehyung sighs, resigned, “Go make sure he doesn’t break anything else.” Jimin hits him lightly on his shoulder as he gets up to go check on front of shop._ _

__Just as Jimin walks out from the office, he hears the front door bell jingle softly. The man is gone, leaving the broom resting up against the front counter. Jimin catches a glimpse of the man slipping out of the shop, silent as he came in. Things slip too easily in the unrelenting heat._ _

__The rest of Jimin’s shift is much less eventful. The typical rich old women come in to browse too slow and talk too fast, haggling over prices that wouldn’t even make a dent in their pockets._ _

__The sun is setting now, turning everything in the shop to gold. The familiar heads of the local kids peek through the windows to sneak a look at the antique dolls sitting on the tops of the shelves, peering back with shining although dead eyes. They’ve been here as long as Jimin has, never purchased, yet always gawked at. Taehyung didn’t even need to try preserving them, they wanted to stay here on their own._ _

__Jimin snaps out of the glittering trance when he feels Taehyung’s hand on his shoulder._ _

__“I’m going to go clock out. You okay with locking up by yourself?” Taehyung asks, much softer than he was earlier. The sunset always melts everyone down._ _

__Jimin nods, smiling. He hates closing alone, but he doesn’t want to keep Taehyung longer than he needs to. At night everything somehow slips from gold into an eerie moonstone. With a ghostly glow from the dim streetlights, the porcelain is haunting. It’s as if you can hear the whispers of those who have held it; see the phantasm of hands that made it. There’s too much history for the building to rest at night._ _

__Soon after Taehyung leaves, Jimin cleans up as fast and as thoroughly as he can, wanting desperately to get home. To be alone._ _

__Jimin has lived on the island ever since he was a child, running around barefoot and golden skinned. It’s a comforting way to live in that he knows everyone and everyone knows him. His trust is in his neighbor as much as it is in the sun rising. After inheriting the antique shop from his parents, he knew he would live and die here. With sandy hair and salty skin, he can’t ever imagine living anywhere else._ _

__He shakes the sand out of shoes before stepping into his quiet home. He didn’t realize how exhausted he is from the day until he closes the door behind him. Only a few seconds away from collapsing on the living room floor and sleeping right there, he drags himself to his bedroom. He throws himself onto his bed, too tired to even move under the covers or change his clothes. He’ll deal with the sandy sheets in the morning._ _

__\---_ _

__With a stiff neck and puffy eyes, Jimin stretches himself awake. Bright morning light fills his bedroom, warming his worn body. He can hear the waves lightly crashing outside of his window, the voices of eager children running along the beach before school starts. He’d give anything to stay here for a few more hours._ _

__As if his mind was being read, his phone dings with a text alert from Taehyung._ _

__‘I’m getting in early today. Didn’t want to be home alone. You can come in around 1 if you want’_ _

__Jimin texts back immediately, gushing with praises and ‘I love you, you’re my best friend in the entire world’ s._ _

__And he falls back asleep, the sunlight lulling him in an instant._ _

__\---_ _

__It seems as if the morning was too warm and inviting causing Jimin to walk back into the antique shop seconds away from being late, still rubbing his eyes awake._ _

__“Good afternoon, sleeping beauty,” Taehyung sing songs as he ruffles Jimin’s hair. Jimin weakly swats his hand away, but doesn’t have the energy to do much else._ _

__“Thank you again,” Jimin yawns, settling at his spot behind the counter, “Apparently I really needed the sleep.” He feels as if he could fall back asleep right here, elbows propping him up behind the cash register._ _

__Taehyung laughs as Jimin’s eyes flutter shut, “Come on, Jiminie. Bright eyes, bright smile. Customer service 101.” Jimin sighs as he pulls himself back up. He knows he needs to wake up, but he’s too warm, too comfortable._ _

__The blasting of the air conditioner is shocking enough to get Jimin at least half awake, but the lethargic sun still lingers on his skin. Warmth like that doesn’t leave too easily._ _

__“Look at what we just got in today,” Taehyung excitedly says, dragging Jimin over to a shipping crate behind the counter. With gloved hands, he carefully pulls out two old leather bound journals, each looking at least a century old._ _

__“An anonymous donor sent these antique diaries in for us to display. They’re from around the 1870s, belonging to one of the first governors of the island,” Taehyung continues to rattle off information about the artifacts while Jimin just smiles at his friend’s enthusiasm, too drowsy to completely follow the timeline. Taehyung never minds when Jimin zones out, he’s just glad to have someone that will humor him._ _

__The doorbell quietly tinkles, ringing throughout the space, the open door offering a second of the sound of ocean waves and excited chatter._ _

__“It’s him again,” Taehyung sharply whispers before making a sharp beeline for the customer that just entered behind him, not without giving Jimin what was supposed to be an encouraging tap on the ass._ _

__Jimin turns back to Taehyung, hissing in pain as he tenderly places his hand where he was hit. Taehyung just shrugs and smirks before turning on his best customer service smile._ _

__The man walks in again looking like he’s afraid to breathe. He looks even more disheveled than he did yesterday. More tired, more cautious, as if he was already mid-apology before he opened his mouth. As soon as he sees Jimin behind the counter he almost rushes forward, looking relieved Taehyung is busy with someone else._ _

__The first words out of the man’s mouth are: “I still feel really guilty, but I really don’t know how to make it up to you.”_ _

__Jimin sighs as he shakes his head, “I’m telling you not to worry about it.”_ _

__“That doesn’t mean I won’t.” The man looks determined. Chin slightly jutted out and eyes unwavering, Jimin can tell he’s not willing to leave until the scales are completely even._ _

__Jimin can’t help but smile at the man’s insistence, assuring, “It really is okay. I promise.”_ _

__“I want to do something for you and you’re being too forgiving.”_ _

__“I don’t think I am, really.”_ _

__The man takes a step back, looking around the store, thinking. His eyes glitter, as if they are a window to the thoughts as they pass through his head._ _

__Still formulating an idea as he speaks, the man sheepishly admits, “I would offer to help out around the store, but that doesn’t seem like the greatest idea considering the circumstances.”_ _

__Jimin laughs lightly, “Yeah, you could say that.” He doesn’t miss Taehyung’s smirk curling at the sound._ _

__“I tried to contact some of my collector friends,” Jimin has to hold back an instinctual eye roll at that, “But I couldn’t seem to find anything to replace it. I mean not that replacing anything like that is even possible, I know these things are one of a kind. That’s the whole point of them being-”_ _

__“Please. You paid more than enough for it. It’s fine,” Jimin insists, wanting to stop the man before he explodes. It’s nice that he cares this much, but Jimin’s too tired to deal with this right now. He’s barely alert enough to man the register, much less have a tennis match of apologies with this guy._ _

__The man sighs, seeming to resign before something flickers in his eyes and he pushes away from the counter. He starts to circle the room somehow both timidly and urgently, picking up as many porcelain figurines and dusty books as his arms can carry. With a smile he very carefully places everything down on the counter in front of him. Jimin doesn’t move._ _

__The man clears his throat, “Aren’t you going to ring me up?”_ _

__“You don’t have to do this,” Jimin sighs, crossing his arms._ _

__The man plays dumb, asking, “Do what? Be a paying customer? I could go take my business to the new tourist trap across the way, but-”_ _

__“Okay, okay. Whatever,” Jimin cuts him off, already recognizing the stubbornness of the man._ _

__He half heartedly plugs a few numbers into the register, just wanting this to be over so he can go back to staring out of the window and listening to Taehyung gush about the new shipment._ _

__The man goes to pull his card out, but stops when he sees the number displayed on the register screen. “No. Charge me the full amount, I’m serious.”_ _

__Jimin looks back up at the man with tired eyes. People trying so desperately to be good are always so tireless. Proving one’s goodness is exhausting. Jimin begrudgingly punches in a few more numbers into the register without looking up again. He dryly swallows as he swipes the man’s heavy card._ _

__“Thank you,” the man almost says in a whisper as Jimin starts to wrap up his purchase. Jimin hands him the bag and the man leaves without another word._ _

__As soon as the man leaves, Taehyung is by Jimin’s side asking, “What happened? I heard you do your flirty giggle thing, why do you look upset now?”_ _

__Jimin sighs, “I’m not upset, I’m just tired.”_ _

__Not satisfied with the curt answer, Taehyung pokes Jimin in the side. He squirms, but doesn’t cave.  
“Jimin,” Taehyung pouts, poking harder, “Jiminie, please.” His slender finger hits one of Jimin’s ribs a little too hard and the smaller man doubles over._ _

__“Shit, Tae,” Jimin hisses, hand nursing his side, “What do you have against me today?” Taehyung just bats his eyes and flashes a dazzling boxy smile. Too charming for his own good._ _

__“You’ll just get mad if I told you what happened,” Jimin confesses, trying in vain to busy himself with a menial task to avoid the conversation. Taehyung has never let him off that easy before and there’s no way he’s going to start now._ _

__Taehyung crosses his arms, huffing at Jimin’s secrecy, “I saw him buy a bunch of stuff if that’s what you’re referring to.”_ _

__“Yeah, and that’s your pet peeve. People just randomly picking stuff out, not really caring about what it is,” Jimin responds, wiping down the same circle on the counter for entirely too long._ _

__“He wasn’t picking at random, though,” Taehyung says lightly, “I saw the way he was looking around the space. He knew what he was doing.”_ _

__Something in Jimin doesn’t want to hear it. He doesn’t want to admit that this man is more than their average clientele. Though it is against his nature to do so, Jimin doesn’t want to believe in the man’s goodness. There’s always a catch with these people._ _

__Jimin mumbles, not quite ready to let go of his frustration, “It’s still a dick move to flaunt his wealth so casually like that.”_ _

__Taehyung just shrugs, admitting, “Can’t argue with that,” before directing his attention back to the antique diaries._ _

__Jimin is wide awake now, an uneasiness riding high in his veins. Nothing is sitting right. Everything is on vacation, hovering above the surface and never casting a full shadow. Sitting in a purgatory between the beginnings and endings of real things._ _

__“Hey, were you listening to anything I just said?” Taehyung’s voice sharply cuts through Jimin’s thoughts. Jimin looks over at his friend, still crouching down by the journals in the fading daylight. Jimin shakes his head apologetically._ _

__“It’s okay, I just thought this part was cool,” Taehyung says, patting the floor next to him. Jimin sits down, peering at the old writing over his friend’s shoulder._ _

__“The summers here are hot enough to melt my bones it seems. You may think I should have grown used to the heat in youth, but in my old age it feels unbearable again. It seems to make everything last forever, too hot to move at a normal pace.  
I see my daughter laugh in the face of the sun, the warmth taking an opposite effect in her. It seems the summer has filled her up with a boundless energy I am too tired to control. I wonder if is possible to ever regain that feeling, of summer heating everything up without boiling everything down.”_ _


	2. and i'm still july

The heat is getting to Jimin. The air conditioning unit in the shop broke last night and even with all of the doors and windows open, the heat is relentless. Jimin feels his skin being cooked away from the bone, the uncomfortable warmth simultaneously pushing and pulling his body. Even the porcelain skin of the dolls is slick with glistening sweat. Jimin feels himself melting as if his fingertips are about to start to drip with waxy flesh, making small puddles on the floor. 

The shop is dead this morning as no one really wants to be out in the heat like this. It’s much easier to be inside and be comfortable, naturally. It took more effort than it should have for Jimin to drag himself out of his bed today. Standing at the counter of the empty shop, softening in the heat, he questions why he even left.

He didn’t get much sleep if any. He stayed up all night, too warm and restless. He gave up around four a.m., opting to take a walk along the shore rather than lying miserably in his bed.

Taehyung waltzes in a few moments later, looking as cool as a spring day. Seeing him made the heat even more unbearable for Jimin for he is unable to tap his friend’s air of calm for relief. 

“You okay there, Jiminie?” Taehyung asks as he slides a tender hand onto Jimin’s pallid face. He checks for Jimin’s temperature with the back of his hand.

“I’m fine, it’s just hot out,” Jimin tries to ease his friend’s worry. As much as he doesn’t want to be at work, he doesn’t want Taehyung to send him home. He doesn’t want to be alone today.

“It’s always hot out,” Taehyung’s hand slides back down to Jimin’s cheek as he says, “ I think it’s more than that. Do you need to go sit down?” 

Jimin just shakes his head, but Taehyung is already grabbing his hand and dragging him to the back office. 

He gently coaxes Jimin down onto the loveseat as he digs through cardboard boxes for the old electric fan. 

“Tae, I’m fine, I promise,” Jimin starts to get up again, but his legs give out underneath him. 

Taehyung just gives him a knowing look as he plugs in the fan, “How come I always know when something’s wrong with you before you do?”

Though the fan is weak, it gives Jimin at least some sense of relief. At least he can breathe now. Taehyung hands him a bottle of water and doesn’t leave his side until he’s downed about half of it.

“I thought this didn’t happen anymore. Have you been eating? Sleeping?” Taehyung worries, arms crossed like a doting mother.

“Mostly,” Jimin wryly smiles. 

Taehyung scoffs with exasperation and a knowing smile, “Mostly is not good enough when it’s over a hundred degrees out every day, idiot.” He lightly flicks Jimin’s forehead for making him worry.

Jimin just nods, knowing his friend is right. It’s just easy for Jimin to forget about taking care of himself when he has other things on his mind. He knows he makes his friend worry. Ever since they’ve been friends, Taehyung has for some reason felt the need to take responsibility for Jimin’s well being. Even when they were kids, Taehyung would always be the first person by Jimin’s side when even something minor felt off. It’s just how they are.

They both hear the front door bell softly ring throughout the shop. Jimin starts to get up, but Taehyung puts a hand on his shoulder.

“I got it. Rest,” Taehyung softly, yet firmly insists as he leaves Jimin alone in the back room. 

Jimin feels lightheaded still. He knows if he tries to get up it will only make things worse, but waiting around like this makes him feel restless. He wants to work, wants to do something productive. Being confined to sitting around like this is a nightmare for Jimin.

Taehyung always calls him a workaholic, but Jimin’s just scared of not being useful, worthwhile. He works hard because he doesn’t want to be easily forgotten. He doesn’t want to fade in memory like all of the former owners of the items he sells every day. 

Jimin picks the water bottle back up and downs it in one go, hoping in vain that it will help him get back up onto his feet faster. Just as he tosses the bottle into the bin across the room, Taehyung enters the room with an indecipherable look on his face. 

“He’s here again,” Taehyung states almost as if it were a question.

“What?”

“The guy,” Taehyung explains, “Who else?”

Jimin shrugs, “Why are you telling me?”

“Because he asked if he could talk to you.”

Jimin doesn’t say anything. He’s more confused than anything. He doesn’t know why the man would even come back, much less ask for him specifically. 

Taehyung speaks up again in Jimin’s silence, “What do you want me to tell him?” His voice is tinged with some kind of softness, but Jimin doesn’t know why.

“Help me up. I’ll talk to him,” Jimin decides as he motions for Taehyung to come to his side.

Taehyung looks wary as he wraps a firm arm around Jimin’s waist. Jimin clings to his friend’s arm and gives him most of his weight as the make their way to the door.

Taehyung stops, “Are you sure? I can just tell him you’re sick.”

Jimin just nudges him forward towards the door.

The man is standing there at the counter with his hands nervously fidgeting, skin deeply tanned from the tireless sun. If Jimin didn’t know any better he would’ve pinned him as a local, the baggy tank top and shorts blending him right in with those who are too tired of the summer heat to wear anything nice.

When he sees Jimin a flash of worry crosses his face, but he quickly composes himself. Taehyung takes his time guiding Jimin over to the counter, subconsciously tightening his grip in a wave of protectiveness.

Once Jimin is close enough the man looks down and clears his throat, apologizing, “I’m sorry. Again. I was being a dick yesterday.”

Jimin shakes his head ever so slightly, “Don’t-”

“I swear to god if you’re about to tell me not to worry about it again.”

Jimin can’t help but laugh in spite of himself. The man’s nervous expression softens a bit at the sound.

The three stand staring at one another for a while, waiting for the others to say something first.

“Um, I have something,” the man mumbles, reaching into his bag. 

Jimin sees Taehyung lurch to say something, but he bites his tongue before it gets out.

“I don’t know if it’s any consolation, but I tried my best.”

The man carefully unwraps the item on the counter. It’s the bowl, almost seamlessly restored to its former glory. Only a few gaps and cracks are visible in the smooth surface. Jimin is in awe, knowing how many small pieces this bowl was in only a few days ago.

Taehyung is the first to speak up, though his eyes don’t stray from the bowl, “How’d you do this?” He picks it up gently and holds it in between himself and Jimin. Jimin watches Taehyung inspecting it like he’s scared to even breathe on it.

“Uh, I work at a university in the arts and anthropology departments, so I have a few good friends working in museums. I asked them for advice on how to best, uh, salvage the mess I made,” The man explains, looking down at his hands the whole time he speaks.

Taehyung looks like he’s about to cry. He places the bowl back down on the counter with shaking hands before looking back up to the man.

“What’s your name?” Taehyung asks, voice watery.

“Um, Kim Namjoon.”

In the blink of an eye Taehyung is on the other side of the counter, practically tackling the man into a bear hug all while beaming from ear to ear, “Thank you, Kim Namjoon, you are a genius. A fucking idiot, but also genius.”

Namjoon seems frozen solid, shocked by the quick change in tone. After a few moments of having the life squeezed out of him he awkwardly pats Taehyung on the back, forcing a smile.

Taehyung pulls back, sniffing, “But if you break anything else I’m going to kill you.” Namjoon lets out a nervous laugh at that, but Taehyung’s expression stays dead serious. 

“I’ll try my best not to,” Namjoon says, embarrassed by the affection and backhanded praise.

“Can you put me in contact with your friend? I have a ton of questions about restoration,” Taehyung excitedly asks, launching the two into a conversation that Jimin is too tired to follow properly.

He leans onto the counter without Taehyung on his side anymore. His knees still feel weak, so the counter is holding nearly all of his weight. He stumbles a bit, slamming his knee into one of the cabinets.

“Fuck,” Jimin hisses as he reaches down to nurse his knee. This only causes him to fall over again, thankfully into Taehyung’s arms again.

“Let’s go sit down,” Taehyung offers gently before leading Jimin back to the office once again.

Jimin doesn’t remember falling asleep. He cracks open one eye to see that he’s still in the back room on the loveseat. He hopes not too much time has passed.

His knee still stings, but he feels a bit better than he did before he fell asleep. He really did need the rest apparently.

Jimin turns his head to see someone sitting beside him. He does a double take when he realizes it’s not Taehyung.

“Um, Taehyung had me sit back here and make sure you were okay while he was helping a customer,” Namjoon explains upon seeing Jimin’s surprise. He’s visibly nervous, fidgeting with his hands and incessantly flicking his gaze down to his feet. 

“Okay,” Jimin has nothing more to say. He is glad to not be alone, though. Taehyung somehow always knows what he needs without him even saying it. 

They both fall quiet, neither really having anything else to add to that. 

Namjoon breaks the awkward silence with a stumbled apology, “What I did yesterday- I don’t know. I was trying to make something up to you and it just came out wrong and I’m really sorry.”

Jimin looks back over to the man. He can tell he is genuinely apologetic, it’s in every detail of him face. Sincerity.

Jimin smiles, “I’d like it if we could have a conversation that wasn’t you trying to apologize to me.”

This elicits a modest laugh out of Namjoon, “Then I better not find a way to fuck up again in the next five minutes.”

Jimin meets Namjoon’s eyes as the last notes of his laugh linger in the air. He feels caught under his gaze, like looking into a mirror. 

Jimin clears his throat, “That was really sweet, what you did for Tae.”

Jimin almost swears he sees a light blush tint Namjoon’s cheeks as he dips his head down at the praise.

“I mean it was for both of you,” he mumbles, eyes on his hands. 

“You don’t have to say that,” Jimin laughs.

“But I mean it.”

They sit together for a moment, the muffled conversation between Taehyung and the customer being the only sound filling the space. The room starts to feel stuffy, too warm.

“This is really embarrassing to admit and I can’t believe I’m actually going to say this to your face, but,” Namjoon swallows thickly, “You’re kind of the reason I dropped the bowl.”

Jimin snaps his over, scandalized, “Me? How is it my fault?”

“No, no, not like that! I mean I looked over and- You know what nevermind, I’ve already made a big enough fool out of myself. I’m gonna see my way out, I’ll see if Taehyung is done,” Namjoon starts to stutter out, a deep blush spreading across his face.

He starts to get up, but Jimin’s voice stops him.

“No, tell me.”

Namjoon sighs and sits back down in his chair. He laughs nervously before building the courage to speak again.

“You’re just- You’re just really beautiful,” he starts to say, “The sunlight was hitting your face at just the right angle and I just- I just had never seen someone so, I don’t know, angelic, I guess. I was just in awe.”

Jimin doesn’t know what to say, but he does feel a soft smile begin to spread across his face. Namjoon can’t even look up.

“Sorry, that was cheesy and weird-”

“Do you want to go get lunch?” Jimin cuts him off. Namjoon looks up, eyes wide and cheeks dusted pink.

He stumbles out, “Um, right now?”

Jimin just giggles and nods, endeared by Namjoon’s odd mix of boldness and shyness. 

Jimin motions for Namjoon to come over and help him up, the man nearly stumbling over himself to get up. Namjoon’s touch is light, not knowing where he can or should hold him. Jimin takes his hand and places it firmly around his waist. He feels much more stable now than he did an hour or so ago, but the closeness is nice. 

They slowly make their way to the front of shop where Taehyung is reorganizing old novels, extremely focused on the task at hand.

“We’re going for lunch, Tae,” Jimin announces while walking with Namjoon towards the door.

Only half listening, Taehyung passively drawls, “Uh huh, have fun,” his eyes never straying from the task at hand. 

It’s only until Namjoon and Jimin are already outside that Taehyung realizes, running towards the closing door shouting, “What? WE?”

Jimin folds over in laughter, Namjoon by his side to keep him from falling over.

They walk across the street to a small bistro that Jimin frequents. The blasting of the air conditioner inside is a much needed relief. 

They sit quietly at a small table near the window opening up to the beach, neither really knowing where to start the conversation. Namjoon studies the menu as an obvious excuse for the silence. Jimin smiles to himself.

The waitress comes around not long after, breaking the silence as she takes their orders. 

Jimin meets Namjoon’s gaze from across the table as the man takes a sip of water. He nearly chokes when he sees Jimin looking at him. Jimin laughs as he makes Namjoon blush for the third time today.

Namjoon clears his throat, “Do you only work here during the summers?”

Jimin smiles at the stilted question, but doesn’t have the heart to fluster Namjoon any further, simply responding, “No, I live here year round.”

This answer seems to surprise Namjoon as it does most people. This isn’t really the place you think of people living in. It seems as if the population is summer tourists, turning to a ghost town in the winter months. The island disappears when it’s not needed. 

“Really? For how long?”

“Ever since I was a kid,” Jimin tries to restrain himself from reminiscing, “I can’t imagine being anywhere else.”

Namjoon looks to the shore out the window. Though this is a temporary place for most passersby, the tide is something as sure for Jimin as his own heartbeat.

Without looking away from the softly crashing waves, Namjoon asks, “Then you should be pretty used to the heat out here, huh?”

“I don’t like to go outside much during the summer,” Jimin explains, thinking his dizzy spell today is enough evidence of that. Though the heat hasn’t affected him this much it a while, it was never really the temperature that bothered him about summer.

“Why not?”

“Too hot.” Meaning to say: _Too many strange unlasting people. Everything shines too bright and the sun refuses to hide anything. _But it’s just easier to blame it on the heat. It’s easier to understand.__

__“But it’s so beautiful, too,” Namjoon says, finally looking back to Jimin._ _

__Jimin just shrugs, “Sure.”_ _

__Namjoon isn’t willing to take that for an answer, offering, “You’re just used to it, I bet. You need something to turn everything on its head.”_ _

__“Hm. Maybe,” Jimin hums turning his to the beach. The waves have been the same waves ever since he learned their name. It would take something insurmountably big, unimaginably strong to ever change the way Jimin sees the ocean._ _

__The clink of the plates being set on the table snaps Jimin back inside._ _

__They dig in, both hungrier than they realized, not really sharing any words until they’re both finished.  
Jimin supposes it’s his turn to start the conversation, “So what brought you to the island?”_ _

__Namjoon takes a moment to collect his thoughts before answering, “I needed a change of scenery before the fall semester starts. Last semester I took on way more than I should have and nearly burned myself out research wise.”_ _

__Jimin nods, understanding though not really. Burnout is something that Jimin has never really experienced, but he can imagine how hard it is to realize you have started despising something you used to love._ _

__“Yeah, it’s really refreshing being out here,” Namjoon continues, “I’m jealous that this is what you get to wake up to every day.”_ _

__Namjoon is looking out at the beach again. The local kids have started skipping across the hot sand, rushing to the beach as soon as the school bell rings._ _

__Jimin remembers that. Every day in middle school he would be staring down the clock for the last ten minutes of class, ready to launch out of his seat as soon as they were dismissed. He would race Taehyung to the beach, giving his all every time even though Taehyung’s longer legs were always putting Jimin at a disadvantage._ _

__“It’s all I’ve ever known, so I can’t really compare,” Jimin says, words coming out dreamily in his rememory._ _

__“You’ve never even vacationed off the island?” Namjoon asks in slight disbelief._ _

__Jimin just shakes his head._ _

__Namjoon leans in, resting his forearms on the table, “Why’s that? If you don’t mind me asking.”_ _

__“I don’t know. Never needed to, I guess,” Jimin says, realizing he never really thought about why. He just didn’t._ _

__“It’s not always about needing to. You’re allowed to do things just for fun, you know,” Namjoon responds, looking kindly at Jimin. His eyes have warmed up and his posture has loosened throughout their conversation, too invested in what Jimin is saying to be nervous anymore._ _

__“I don’t know. It feels like if I leave,” Jimin starts to try to explain, but all the words that are coming to him seem insufficient, “It feels like if I leave it will disappear. That as soon as I set foot anywhere else someone will tell me that my home turned to dust.”_ _

__Jimin feels his eyes start to get watery and he snaps his gaze down to his hands._ _

__Catching a glimpse of Jimin’s glassy eyes, Namjoon begins to stutter out apologies, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to- I didn’t know.”_ _

__“It’s not your fault,” Jimin says in a near whisper as he blinks his eyes dry, “You didn’t know.”_ _

__They walk out of the bistro soon after, Jimin finally feeling stable enough to stand on his own, even in the heat._ _

__He squints up at the sun and lets it burn colored imprints into his eyes. He squeezes his eyes shut as tears threaten to fall again._ _

__“I forgot how much it hurts to look at the sun.” Jimin doesn’t know why he says it, but it feels right._ _

__Namjoon looks up to the sky as if to check if it’s still there before responding, “That’s a good thing to forget, I think.”_ _

__They start to walk back to Jimin’s store, used to both the heat and the silence between them by now._ _

__“Thank you. For lunch,” Jimin says, words coming out stilted as they stand in front of the window. He can feel Taehyung’s eager eyes on him._ _

__Namjoon nods, saying, “No, I should be thanking you. I- yeah.” He laughs at his own stumbled ending and Jimin can’t help but laugh, as well._ _

__Both go to speak again at the same time and their words tangle and butt heads. Awkward laughs break through the air again as Namjoon motions for Jimin to speak first._ _

__“I was just going to say can show you around sometime. If you want,” Jimin offers._ _

__His sentences are coming out broken and forced and he doesn’t know why. It’s usually not hard for Jimin to find a sense of ease in social situations, but something about Namjoon shoots him back to his nervous middle school days._ _

__Namjoon smiles and says, “I would really like that.”_ _

__Jimin looks up from his shoes to meet Namjoon’s gaze and his words die in his throat._ _

__“We close at six tomorrow if you’re not busy then,” Jimin chokes out with a smile. He feels his cheeks heat up at the eye contact, but he can’t seem to tear his eyes away._ _

__“I’ll be here,” Namjoon says with a chuckle, being the first one to look away as he drops his head back down._ _

__Jimin waves goodbye as he opens the door to the shop. Namjoon gives a warm smile as he waves back, soon turning to walk away. It’s the first time Jimin notices his dimples._ _

__Jimin watches Namjoon walk down the beach, hands in his pockets and head to the sky. He stifles a laugh when he sees the tall man trip and stumble, looking around to make sure no one saw._ _

__“How was your date?” Taehyung says right up against Jimin’s ear, startling him._ _

__“Wasn’t a date,” Jimin insists, crossing his arms, ready for his best friend’s interrogation session._ _

__“That’s a lie and you know it,” Taehyung retorts, the corners of his lips curving up in a self satisfied smirk._ _

__Jimin just rolls his eyes as he walks past him, “We just got lunch. That’s all.”_ _

__“And you made plans to see each other again.”_ _

__Jimin opens his mouth to argue, but realizes he has nothing. Taehyung bursts out into laughter._ _

__“Just because we’re hanging out again doesn’t mean it was a date, dumbass,” Jimin practically shouts over Taehyung’s howling laughter._ _

__“Whatever you say, Jimin,” Taehyung says, a wide smile still spreading across his face as he shakes his head._ _

__The heat doesn’t really bother Jimin for the rest of his shift. It cools down significantly once the sun sets, so the sticky humidity is really the only thing bothering him. Chalking up today’s dizzy spell to a mixture of exhaustion and heat, he doesn’t think much about it. He’s glad to feel his own two legs stable underneath him again._ _

__Jimin and Taehyung close the shop quickly as the sky starts to turn, the sun burning the clouds into brilliant oranges and pinks. Jimin watches Taehyung sweep the floor, his skin glowing under the vibrant sunset._ _

__Jimin remembers the first day they closed the shop on their own when they were sixteen, Jimin’s parents finally trusting them enough. They took the job so seriously as to not lose that trust. They were diligently cleaning and locking everything up when they were distracted by the sun setting. The whole room turned to gold, stopping them in their tracks._ _

__Jimin remembers them sitting on the counter for the rest of the night just to watch everything melt from gold to bronze to obsidian. It was the closest thing to magic he had ever felt._ _

__Taehyung catches his gaze and brings him back to the present moment._ _

__“Are you feeling okay?” Taehyung asks sincerely, all hints of the teasing from earlier long gone from his voice._ _

__Jimin nods as he hops up to sit on the counter. Without words, Taehyung sets the broom aside and sits down next to him. Jimin softly rests his head on Taehyung’s shoulder as they watch the sun spin gold right before their eyes._ _


	3. was it my august?

Jimin wakes up in a bed that it isn’t his, at least that much he can gather through sleep-glazed eyes. It’s warm enough, so he doesn’t mind.

That is until he feels an entire body flop down on top of him. 

“Wake up, sleepy head! Places to go, people to see!” Taehyung almost shouts into Jimin’s ear.

Jimin just groans and attempts to push him off, but Taehyung doesn’t budge.

“I’m suffocating,” Jimin chokes, squirming under his friend. Taehyung just laughs and slides off to curl up into Jimin’s side. He places a comforting arm across Jimin’s chest.

Taehyung sighs, “Always so dramatic.” Jimin just grunts and turns his back to Taehyung. 

When he doesn’t feel Taehyung move to meet him, he grabs his hand and tugs him closer. With a laugh, Taehyung slides over to press his chest into Jimin’s back. 

Jimin has found comfort in Taehyung for as long as he can remember. One of his earliest memories of their friendship was the first time he went over to Taeyhung’s house to sleep over in middle school. They had only recently become friends for Taehyung had moved to the island only the month before. But nevertheless, they became fast friends when they were seated next to each other in their homeroom class.

Though he was excited to spend time with his new friend, Jimin had never not slept in his own bed and when midnight hit he started to panic. When Taehyung asked what was wrong, he couldn’t even explain. He couldn’t bring himself to explain why this small change, being away from home for a night, made him this anxious. All he could say was, “I’m scared to sleep.” But Taehyung asked for no further explanation. In the thick darkness of that September night, he crawled over to Jimin’s sleeping bag and hugged him as tight as he could. That’s all he knew to do and that’s all Jimin needed. Jimin didn’t even remember falling asleep, but he does remember waking up feeling safe in his friend’s arms.

Even in adulthood, it’s the same. Taehyung’s warmth is like that of the sun. It fills your chest and lingers long after the source is gone. Jimin doesn’t know what he would do without it.

“You doing okay?” Taehyung asks over Jimin’s shoulder, “Yesterday was kind of weird for you and we never got a chance to talk about it.”

Jimin closes his eyes and focuses on the warmth of touch before answering, “I’m better now. I just need to take better care of myself.”

Taehyung scoffs, “Well, I could’ve told you that.” Jimin giggles and feels Taehyung’s laugh reverberate through his body.

They wait until both of their bodies still before Taeyhung continues, “How was lunch?” No school girl giddiness or teasing in his voice, just a genuine curiosity. 

“It was nice,” Jimin sighs, “He’s really…”

“If you just say he’s nice I’m going to kill you,” Taehyung jokingly warns, squeezing Jimin tight and kicking at his legs. 

Jimin just laughs as he replays the lunch in his head. ‘Nice’ was the best word for it and Jimin hasn’t had something like that in a while. 

“But he is,” Jimin whines, “He is really nice.”

“Wow,” Taehyung whispers. Thinking he’s mocking him, Jimin turns around to face him, pouting. 

“Hey, I’m serious.”

“No, I know. It’s just that I haven’t heard you talk about a guy in that dreamy voice since you-know-who,” Taehyung says softly, eyes not wavering from Jimin’s as if he is checking for any hint of a reaction or emotion.

Jimin feels his heart twinge a bit at the thought. Though it’s been years, even a vague mention of his previous boyfriend still slightly hurts Jimin. He’s always been bad at letting things go.

Taehyung must see the all too familiar look on Jimin’s face and quickly backtracks, “Sorry, just saying. Didn’t mean to-”

“No, it’s fine. You’re right,” Jimin sighs.

“Does that scare you?” Taehyung asks tentatively, giving Jimin every ounce of his attention and care. He’s taken Jimin’s small hand in his own, rubbing reassuring circles with his thumb.

Jimin shakes his head, “It should, but it doesn’t.”

Taehyung smiles sadly at that, worried to see his friend going down the same path again; worried that he won’t be strong enough to drag Jimin back out this time. 

Jimin quickly changes the subject, “What about you? How have you been holding up since Jungkook flew out?”

Jimin hates to see Taehyung’s sad smile grow deeper as he sighs, “I mean it’s always hard, but I guess I’m getting used to it. Just part of the job.” Jimin brings his hand up to Taehyung’s face to wipe away a single tear that he doesn’t think his friend even noticed falling. 

“He’ll be back soon, though. It always goes by faster than you expect,” Jimin tries comforting, now feeling guilty for bringing it up out of the blue. He slides his hand up to run his fingers through Taehyung’s hair.

“Yeah, you’re right,” Taehyung half-heartedly agrees, forcing a small smile as he leans into Jimin’s touch. They exchange silent ‘thank you’s as they get ready to face the day together. Together is the only way they’ve been able to get through anything.

They take their time rolling out of bed, loitering in the perpetual wanting of just a moment longer in the comfort of each other’s touch. Sharing lighter conversation over breakfast, their moods lift as the sun rises higher into the sky. A long time ago they’d decided that time spent sulking in loneliness is wasted. Whether that is true or not, the sentiment keeps them going.

The shop seems to welcome them when they arrive, the stale air rushing out as the building sighs in relief. Taehyung immediately gets to work on reorganizing with the new shipments while Jimin sets up the cash register. It is predictable, but it is good. Being able to rely on things like this makes everything outside of it that much easier. Or at least that’s what Jimin tells himself.

The day moves slowly. Most people that come in are only curious tourists just looking and gawking. Taehyung excitedly talks about the pieces, but no one really listens except Jimin. He’s heard each schpiel a hundred times, but he’ll listen to them for as long as he can. When Taehyung is passionate about something he glows like no one you’ve ever seen. Jimin’s not sure what he loves about him most, but that’s definitely somewhere at the top. 

In the slowness of the day, Jimin’s gaze has found itself resting on the large grandfather clock whenever it has no where else more important to be. Namjoon is outside waiting as soon as the minute hand hits the six. 

Taehyung sees him right as the six o’clock chime sounds, laughing, “Very prompt. Or very nervous.”

Jimin just smiles as he signals to Namjoon that he’ll be out in a minute. He finishes sweeping behind the counter before walking over to Taehyung.

“Are you sure you’re okay with locking up alone? He’ll wait thirty minutes if I ask,” Jimin says to his friend. Taehyung nods.

“I’ll be fine. Have fun,” Taehyung assures with a genuine smile. Jimin gives him a tight hug, still not wanting to let go of the feeling of the morning. He holds on with no intention of moving until Taehyung pulls away.

“Go,” Taehyung laughs, peeling Jimin off of him, “He’s waiting.”

Jimin finally lets go, walking to the door as he calls out, “I love you.”

Taehyung chuckles softly, “I love you, too. Now, leave.” Jimin dips his head down with a smile before slipping out the front door.

Namjoon and Jimin stand in front of each other, neither really knowing how to greet the other. Namjoon’s gaze immobilizes Jimin, but he can’t quite figure out why. It’s not pure want in his gaze, but something richer, something deeper. 

“You look good,” Namjoon says to break the silence, shoving his hands in his pockets. 

“I really don’t, but thank you,” Jimin pushes his hair out of his face as he speaks, “I’ve been working all day.” 

“That doesn’t mean anything. I’ve never seen you not look good,” Namjoon pushes back with a soft smile. Jimin rolls his eyes as he walks to the man’s side.

“You’ve only seen me like four times.” 

“Yeah, but I told you what happened the first time.” 

Jimin drops his gaze as he feels a blush start to bloom on his cheeks. 

“So what’s the plan?” Namjoon asks, giving Jimin no time to stay in his rare moment of shyness.

But Jimin still doesn’t lift his gaze as he says, “I have some bikes at my house and I was thinking we could ride them around the island. I can’t guarantee I’ll be any good as a tour guide, though.”

Namjoon smiles, “You’ll be great. I know it.” This time Jimin looks up to meet Namjoon’s eyes and he immediately wishes he didn’t. The rich brown of his eyes is warm and glistening, trapping Jimin in their sticky amber. 

Jimin blinks and he’s back.

“My house is this way,” Jimin stutters, slowly coming back to reality. Namjoon follows close by. 

Jimin walks down the beach in Namjoon’s shadow, the man an inch or so away from flat out towering over him. It feels more comforting than intimidating, in the way that an old tree is tall and inviting. 

They don’t share many words as they walk down the shore, letting the crash of the waves and the chatter of children be the only sounds filling the air. It’s a good silence they have found inside of the cacophony of day.

It is not long before they reach Jimin’s house off of the shore. It’s a small place, but Jimin loves it. Finally getting his own place was something he knew was important for him since high school. It is a symbol of stability and independence for Jimin, both things he’s struggled with for his whole life. Bringing someone new to see it always fills him with a sense of pride. 

“Of course this is your house,” Namjoon comments with a smirk.

Jimin snaps his head toward Namjoon, demanding, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Namjoon looks over to see Jimin mid-pout and his face melts into the fondest smile. Jimin feels his flash of coldness softening at the sight. 

“It’s nothing bad. It’s just,” Namjoon’s eyes stay glued to the house as he speaks, “It’s just so cute and small and warm. It’s literally just you in house form.”

“Well, thank you, I think,” Jimin says softly. He takes another look at his house and he supposes he does see it. He doesn’t know if he subconsciously built the house around himself or slowly molded himself to match. 

Jimin leads Namjoon around to the back gate. As soon as they enter, he turns back to see Namjoon distracted by the greenery overflowing in his backyard. His eyes are wide as he scans over all of the plants.

In the few years that Jimin has lived in this house, he’s taken a liking to gardening. It was actually something his father introduced him to as a child, but he never really developed a passion for it until adulthood. Now his backyard looks like a jungle with many various plants thriving in every corner. Jimin is less concerned with aesthetics and more concerned with nurturing and keeping as many things alive as possible.

“This is beautiful,” Namjoon gapes, hand coming up to softly touch the bright hibiscus that grows underneath Jimin’s bedroom window. Jimin looks back at the plants as he walks toward the small shed where he keeps his bikes.

“You think so? My parents used to always get mad at me about it,” Jimin laughs as he starts to pull the bikes out, “They just thought it was a mess.”

“What made them change their mind?” Namjoon asks, attention still on the garden rather than the conversation.

Jimin dryly swallows before explaining, “Um, nothing. It’s just that they couldn’t really nag me about it after they passed.”

Namjoon’s body stills before slowly turning around. Jimin doesn’t dare meet his gaze. He’s received enough pity for the past three years, he doesn’t need it from Namjoon, too. 

But when Namjoon walks over and Jimin looks up at him, what he sees is not pity. It’s reassurance.

“I’m sure they would’ve come around eventually,” Namjoon offers as he helps Jimin lift the bikes. Jimin just nods and leaves it at that.

Jimin hasn’t been able to talk about his parents so casually with anyone besides Taehyung and old high school friends, really. He doesn’t know why he does now, but something about Namjoon makes it feel like it’s safe. That he would understand even though they’ve only known each other for about a week.

“Where to?” Namjoon asks, reigning Jimin’s thoughts back to the present moment. Jimin closes the wooden gate behind them before gracefully swinging himself up onto his bike.

He starts to ride down the sandy road, shouting behind him, “Just follow me.” 

Namjoon does not hesitate to follow, only slightly fumbling as he gets on his own bicycle. With much longer legs, it doesn’t take long for him to catch up to Jimin and ride at a steady pace by his side.

Knowing all of the curving streets like the back of his hand, Jimin expertly weaves throughout the island. Every once in a while he’ll look over to see Namjoon, eyes sparkling and cheeks sun-kissed. Watching the way Namjoon eyes the landscape allows Jimin to see in home through a new pair of eyes it seems. It’s like he’s able to learn it all over again, remember why he fell in love with it in the first place.

“That’s my old high school,” Jimin calls out to Namjoon as they pass it. There are still some teenagers lingering outside of it, catching the very beginnings of the sunset after late rehearsals and study sessions.

Namjoon looks over and asks, “How many years has it been since you last stepped foot in there?”

Jimin has to take a second and count how many years it has actually been.

“About six years, I think. Feels like a lifetime ago,” Jimin says, his voice drifting off with the cool wind. Everything still looks the same.

As they ride, the sky turns lavender and the air grows thicker. Music begins to softly cut through the air, signalling the first timid blooms nightlife in the city. The sun is a burning gold, ever so slightly dipping into the ocean to cool itself after a hard day’s work. The salty air slices at soft, exposed flesh and combs through sandy hair. Everything gives one last burst of liveness before it dies for the night. Jimin can taste the island on his tongue.

Jimin realizes where he’d ended up leading them. He looks at the large hill ahead of him, sitting at the top is the lookout he’d always seek out for refuge as a teenager. 

Jimin turns his head to Namjoon and smiles, “Race you to the top.”

Namjoon looks confused for a moment before the challenge sets in and he starts pedalling at full speed behind Jimin. The wind whips past their faces and their thighs and lungs burn with the competitive push. Jimin maintains the lead for a while, but he really is no match for Namjoon and his long frame.

Namjoon comes to a stop and hops off of his bike as he waits for Jimin at the top. Both men are breathing heavy after the final push up the steep hill, but they are smiling brightly through it. 

“Unfair advantage,” Jimin gasps, motioning to Namjoon’s legs. The older man just rolls his eyes.

“Sore loser,” Namjoon playfully jabs back, though equally breathless.

Jimin leads Namjoon to the peak of the lookout. From up here it looks like Jimin could put the city in a bottle and he wishes he could. He wishes he could selfishly store it all for his own pleasure.

Jimin sets his bike down as he goes to sit near the edge of the rocky cliff. Namjoon silently follows suit.

The air is cool and thick, drying the thin sheen of sweat that had collected on Jimin’s brow during the ride. Not quite yet dusk, the sky is a deep purple with just glimpses of the light of eager stars peeping through. The lights of the small city below over power them at the moment, anyway. Jimin takes a deep breath filling his lungs with the salty sweet of the island air, secretly hoping some of that light makes its way inside of his chest, as well.

“It’s beautiful,” Namjoon says in a dreamy whisper as if he didn’t even realize he was saying it out loud. Jimin just hums in agreeance. 

“I used to come up here all the time in high school,” Jimin reminisces easily, “A good place to think.”

That’s the only way Jimin can bring himself to describe it even though it’s much more than that. It was the only place he could be alone, save for the few times he’d brought Taehyung along when he needed someone by his side. His voice must reveal that because Namjoon softly adds, “Seems like something more than that to me.”

Jimin is silent for a minute before speaking, “It is. A lot more.” He brings his head up to the darkening sky and feels Namjoon turn to look at him. 

“Do you want to talk about it?”

All signs point to ‘no’, but Jimin wants to. That surprises even himself. 

“High school was pretty shit for me to put it bluntly,” Jimin laughs dryly, though he can see in his periphery that Namjoon’s expression doesn’t budge, “It wasn’t that I didn’t have any friends, but I felt desperately lonely all the time. I was around people, good people, all the time, but there has always been this insatiable emptiness inside of me. I hated myself for being so selfish and for not appreciating the people around me, but I couldn’t help it. In the end I just started isolating myself, so that my loneliness felt justified, I guess. I don’t know, it’s stupid.” 

Jimin brings his hand up to his face to quickly wipe away the tear that had started to run down his cheek.

“It’s not stupid,” Namjoon insists. Jimin turns his head from the stars to see the same lights reflected in Namjoon’s eyes. 

“Whatever you felt was and still is valid. There’s no reason for you to punish yourself over things like that,” Namjoon’s sincerity sinks into Jimin’s chest. Jimin doesn’t realize that he’d continued to cry until Namjoon picks up a hand to gingerly swipe under his eye with his thumb.

Namjoon’s hand rests on the side of Jimin’s face, seeing his own reflected in Jimin’s eyes. Their breaths and hearts feel synced for a fleeting moment.

Jimin ducks his head out of the touch and laughs, “I’m sorry. Crying and bringing up high school isn’t really great for a date.”

The word ‘date’ just kind of slips out of his mouth, but Namjoon doesn’t even blink at it.

He just replies with a small smile, “Then we can make this one a practice round. Doesn’t count.”

Jimin tries to ignore the way his heart flips at Namjoon’s promise to see him again.

They sit in a comfortable silence for a while longer, watching the sky fully darken and the stars start to pierce bright holes through its fabric. Jimin hasn’t felt this good sitting up here in awhile. Maybe ever.

Namjoon moves to grab one of Jimin’s hands in both of his. He plays with his rings, twisting and turning each one before placing his hand flat against Jimin’s. He looks kind of amazed at the size difference and Jimin laughs. 

“Sorry, it’s just” Namjoon’s eyes flick up to Jimin for a moment before settling back on their hands, “Cute.”

Jimin interwines his fingers with Namjoon’s and squeezes tight.

They make small conversation to learn about each other a little more. They stay skating on the surface level for the time being, realizing they already accidentally broke through that thin ice once tonight. 

As he tells an old story about him and Taehyung, Jimin looks over to see Namjoon yawning and trying his hardest to keep his heavy eyelids from closing.

“You don’t have to stay up for me,” Jimin brings a soft hand to his shoulder saying, “You can take the bike back to wherever you’re staying. Just bring it by my house tomorrow morning.”

Namjoon nods lethargically as he gets up from where he was seated. He moves towards the bikes and goes to pick his up, but then he notices Jimin’s still form.

“You’re going to stay?” Namjoon asks, only a twinge of worry breaking through his voice.

“For a little while, yeah.’

“Are you sure? Is that safe?” Namjoon doesn’t back down, his nervousness waking him back up a little.

Jimin smiles as he assures, “Don’t worry about me. I’ve done this plenty of times. Go home and get some sleep. I’ll text you when I get home if that makes you feel better.”

That seems to be enough consolation for a clearly exhausted Namjoon who just slowly nods and swings himself back onto his bike. He offers a small wave and smile to Jimin before reluctantly riding off. 

Jimin sighs once he’s alone. A familiar hollow feeling makes a home in his chest, but at this point he’s grown almost numb to it. 

As he sits there with only his thoughts as company, Jimin realizes that he hasn’t thought about his parents in while. That he hasn’t even thought about visiting this spot in years. Something about Namjoon makes him want to share his life. It scares Jimin. His willingness to dive in headfirst is dangerous, he of all people should know, but even still his summer is quickly bursting at the seams with nostalgia and almost forgotten memories. 

He eventually rides home in the silence of late night, his tiredness refusing to be ignored not long after Namjoon had left for the same reason. 

The night air is cold and unforgiving as Jimin easily glides down the hills they struggled to climb. It slices through his thin clothing, making him shiver.

When he finally gets home, he shoots Namjoon a quick text to announce his safe arrival.

The emptiness in Jimin’s bed is more pronounced than it has been in a while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just wanted to add in that i've been listening to boy in jeans by ryan beatty a lot while writing, its an amazing album full of lovey and summery songs if u guys want to listen <3
> 
> and as always thank you for reading!! i'll try to post the next update in a few days


	4. wouldn't it be nice?

The next morning Jimin wakes up to a knocking at the window behind his bed. Through sleep crusted eyes he looks up and jumps awake when he sees someone standing there past the thin curtains. The figure throws their head back in laughter as Jimin throws himself across his bed.

Fucking Namjoon.

When Jimin goes to let him in through the back door he’s still laughing.

“I didn’t mean to scare you that bad,” Namjoon gets out in between laughs, “I just wanted to give your bike back.” 

Jimin closes the door behind him, crosses his arms and huffs, “You knew that would be the most terrifying way to wake me up and yet you did it anyways.”

“Did I know?” Namjoon challenges.

“Yes, you did and I’m not going to forgive you for it, you asshole,” Jimin pouts, though there is a ghost of a smile on his lips.

Namjoon shrugs with a smirk starting to curl the corners of his mouth, “Worth it, though.”

Jimin puts his hands on his hips and asks, “And why’s that?”

“You look really cute when you’re scared,” Namjoon says like it’s nothing. Jimin feels his mouth slightly drop open as pink begins to dust his cheeks. 

He quickly reassumes his haughty demeanor to say, “Compliments are only going to get you so far.”

“How far is that exactly?”

Jimin is speechless. He doesn’t know where Namjoon pulled this confidence, but it’s really throwing him off. He’s usually the one making other people blush; he feels strange on the receiving end.

Namjoon just laughs, “Your coffee is getting cold.”

Jimin rolls his eyes, walking over to Namjoon to grab a small coffee cup from his hand.

“You didn’t have to get me coffee,” Jimin says between small sips, though he is grateful that he did.

Namjoon just shrugs as he sits down on the sofa, “It’s free at the hotel I’m staying in. It’s not the best, but it’s something.”

Jimin is struck by how comfortable Namjoon seems around him now, in his house no less. Here he is, just days ago a practical stranger, making easy conversation sprawled out on Jimin’s couch. Maybe the island sunset instilled in him some romantic confidence. 

“What are you up to today?” Namjoon asks as Jimin stands like a visitor in his own home. Jimin shifts a bit in his place before deciding to sit in the small chair next to Namjoon.

“I mean I run the shop most every day. I’ll have to leave in about an hour,” Jimin says, focusing more on his mediocre cup of coffee than the conversation.

“Already that eager to kick me out?” Namjoon asks, mock offended with a hand to his chest. Jimin just rolls his eyes and gives a hint of a smile. 

Jimin hasn’t had anyone in his home in a while besides Taehyung and even still it is more often that the two of them spend time in the latter’s house. Namjoon doesn’t look out of place at all. On the contrary actually, he sits in the living room as if he’s been here a hundred times. Jimin wonders when this shift occurred, but doesn’t dare to question it too much. It feels nice to have someone else here, warmer and more full. 

“What?” Namjoon asks. Jimin realizes he’s been zoning out and shakes his head back to the present.

“Just wondering what had gotten into you.”

Namjoon’s eyes only slightly widen at that, but it’s enough for Jimin to see that familiar bashfulness return. 

He clears his throat, “Sorry, I didn’t realize I was acting different.”

Jimin softly giggles, “It’s fine. Don’t apologize. I like it.” He looks up from his coffee to see the hint of pink start cover Namjoon’s cheeks. But maybe it’s just from the sun. 

They both take a long sip from their coffees, ushering in the return of their comfortable silences. As shallow as the description may sound, it feels good. So much time is wasted yearning for world shaking feelings when sometimes things that are just ‘good’ are exactly what we need. At least Jimin thinks so. 

“What are you doing today?” Jimin asks, too eager to shatter the moment.

Namjoon looks up and smiles, “My only plan today was to come over to return your bike and bug you, so I’ll have to figure something out. I’ll probably just end up going to the beach and reading.”

Jimin warms at the thought of Namjoon planning his day around seeing him. 

“Oof. Sounds rough,” Jimin teases.

Feigning offense Namjoon defends, “Hey, I’m on vacation. Relaxation is practically mandatory.”

“Must be nice,” Jimin muses, “How long are you here for?”

“Until the end of July. I need to be back on campus in August to prepare for classes.”

The temporality of Namjoon sinks in Jimin’s chest. As much as he likes him, he reminds himself not to hold on too tight. It’s always the easiest ones to fall for that are the easiest ones to lose.

Jimin hopes none of that shows on his face, clearing his throat, “What do you teach?”

Namjoon doesn’t seem to notice, saying, “Philosophy. Though I spend more time with my friends in the anthropology department.”

“Why’s that?” Jimin asks as he stands to start preparing some breakfast for himself. Namjoon follows him into the kitchen, leaning against the refrigerator. 

“I’m not completely sure. I feel like anthropology is compelling to most people on some level, wanting to understand humans and why we are the way we are,” Namjoon pauses for a sip of coffee, “Also all of the other philosophy professors have their heads all the way up their asses.”

“Ah, so you’re the one exception,” Jimin teases while straining to reach the last clean bowl that is resting on the top shelf.

Namjoon slides behind Jimin and easily reaches over him to grab the bowl.

Handing it to Jimin with a smirk on his face, Namjoon says, “I like to think so.”

As Jimin takes the bowl in his hands there is a moment where Namjoon doesn’t let go. Their conversation dissolves into a thick silence, unlike any they have shared previously. Their gazes interlock and their muscles freeze. 

Namjoon lets go and Jimin drops his head, the older man awkwardly laughing, “Don’t you have work?”

“Now _you’re _trying to kick me out of my own home?” Jimin melodramatically asks, almost as if his joking is an attempt to quickly dissolve the tension they’ve unintentionally created. Namjoon’s deep laugh bounces through the kitchen.__

__Jimin pours his cereal without looking back up at Namjoon, “I have a feeling you would just stay here all day if I let you.”_ _

__“Do you blame me? It’s cozy.”_ _

__Jimin looks at Namjoon to see him smiling softly, dimples deepening in his tanned cheeks. Jimin feels his heart stutter, but ignores it in favor of scarfing down his quick breakfast._ _

__It’s not long before Jimin dismisses himself to go get ready for his day. He welcomes Namjoon to stay, but the man sees himself out as soon as Jimin heads back to take a shower._ _

__As the warm water runs across Jimin’s body he feels his muscles unwind. He lets out a sigh of relief. He’s a bit nervous about how good he feels. He’s worked hard on not having his feelings dictated by other people, but he’s found it easy to rely on Namjoon for joy. Already. He reminds himself that they still barely know each other. He reminds himself that Namjoon is not something he can expect to be here every day. He’s just for the summer._ _

__As Jimin dries himself off, he stares into the mirror. 'You’re all I need. Other people are good, but you come first.' Easier said than done.__

____The store is surprisingly busy when Jimin finally gets there. With a rush of vacationers getting to the island, many curious faces are popping in to look around at the shop._ _ _ _

____Even with the heavy workload, Jimin feels energized. He loves helping eager visitors. They’re always much more enthusiastic than their local clientele. Even if they’re just asking for directions, Jimin can’t help but smile as he watches someone truly fall in love with his home for the first time._ _ _ _

____“You’re perky this morning,” Taehyung comments as he walks up to Jimin’s side. They finally hit a slow spot, giving them both much needed time to breathe._ _ _ _

____“I think it’s because I got some coffee,” Jimin says nonchalantly as he reorganizes the money in the cash register as it got a bit messy during the rush._ _ _ _

____“When did you have time to do that?” Taehyung asks, hugging Jimin around his shoulders and resting his chin on his shoulder._ _ _ _

____Though it’s a little too warm to be this close, but Jimin has learned not to mind. He always finds the comfort in Taehyung’s touch, no matter how unpleasant the weather._ _ _ _

____“Namjoon brought me some this morning,” Jimin says casually as Taehyung squeezes him in tighter._ _ _ _

____“What?” Taehyung abruptly pulls away from Jimin, almost voice almost shrill with joy. Jimin looks over to see a wide boxy smile spread across his friend’s face before rolling his eyes._ _ _ _

____“Namjoon came by my house this morning and brought me some coffee,” Jimin tries to say it like it’s nothing, but he can’t help the smile that starts to creep onto his lips._ _ _ _

____“How does he know where you live?” Taehyung asks with wide eyes. Jimin starts to answer, but Taehyung’s mouth drops open._ _ _ _

____“What?” Jimin asks, confused at his friend’s sudden change in demeanor._ _ _ _

____“Don’t tell me that you guys already fu-”_ _ _ _

____“Don’t you dare finish that sentence,” Jimin warns, “Nothing like that has or is going to happen between us, you little perv-”_ _ _ _

____Mid-sentence, the doorbell rings and Jimin bolts away from the conversation. Even though he’s upset that their few minutes of calm are already gone, he’s more than appreciative to anything that will get him out of that conversation._ _ _ _

____That is until he sees the man that’s standing before him._ _ _ _

____“What are you doing here?” Jimin sighs, trying his hardest to hide the smile that feels so natural around Namjoon._ _ _ _

____“Good to see you, too,” Namjoon smiles, “Got bored.”_ _ _ _

____Jimin turns on his heels and huffs, “Well, I’m working, so get lost.”_ _ _ _

____“Jimin, when did you get so harsh? He can hang out,” Taehyung calls out from across the shop._ _ _ _

____Jimin looks back over his shoulder at Namjoon. He smirks as he catches the man’s gaze. He looks slightly tanner than he did this morning. Jimin guesses he did go to the beach after all._ _ _ _

____“He knows I’m kidding. He’s a smart guy,” Jimin’s voice comes out softer than he intends._ _ _ _

____Namjoon matches his tone, “You think I’m smart?”_ _ _ _

____Jimin turns back around to face Namjoon, raising his eyebrows, “You know you’re smart, idiot.”_ _ _ _

____Taehyung yells from the back of the counter, “Actually I take it back. If you guys are going to be this annoying then he has to leave.”_ _ _ _

____Jimin feels a blush spread across his face as Namjoon breaks into laughter. Jimin wishes he didn’t like the sound so much. He wishes this wasn’t so easy._ _ _ _

____Jimin motions for Namjoon to follow him further into the shop, “Just don’t break anything this time.”_ _ _ _

____Namjoon sighs dejectedly, but knows he can’t really argue with that._ _ _ _

____Once they get to the back counter, Taehyung is standing there with crossed arms and an overly stern expression, “Why didn’t you bring me any coffee, Namjoon?”_ _ _ _

____Namjoon’s eyes widen and stands still for half a second before starting to stutter out apologies and excuses._ _ _ _

____Jimin puts a hand on his shoulder while glaring at Taehyung, “It’s fine. Tae doesn’t even like coffee, but lucky for us he does like being a little shit.” Taehyung just smiles sweetly back at him._ _ _ _

____The rest of their shift goes much more smoothly. Taehyung excitedly talks to Namjoon about the antique journals they got in as Jimin sorts through the old photographs of the island. He thinks it’s funny that even in the photos from decades ago the island still looks more or less the same. Names of stores have changed, but barely anything new has been built or torn down. Jimin could probably wake up twenty years in the past and still not notice for the first few hours._ _ _ _

____Jimin doesn’t even realize the time passing, completely immersed in the task at hand. When he looks up to see that the sun has already started to set, he hears Namjoon decide that he should make his exit._ _ _ _

____He walks up to Jimin and places a light hand on his shoulder, saying, “Thanks for letting me bug you today.”_ _ _ _

____“Anytime,” Jimin smiles. And he means it._ _ _ _

____He watches Namjoon walk out onto the sunset-oranged beach. He looks like he belongs there, but at the same time Jimin could pick him out instantly. It’s as if he’s hovering above the surface._ _ _ _

____“So…” Taehyung’s deep, trailing voice coaxes Jimin out of his stupor._ _ _ _

____“What?” Jimin asks, turning his attention back to sweeping the floor._ _ _ _

____Taehyung just looks at him as if to say ‘you know exactly what and I want to hear you say it’. Jimin plays dumb and shrugs_ _ _ _

____“You like him a lot,” Taehyung says expectantly._ _ _ _

____Jimin just nods, “I do like him.” He likes Namjoon enough. Not a lot. A lot is too much for now._ _ _ _

____“A lot,” Taehyung insists._ _ _ _

____“Maybe.”_ _ _ _

_____Fuck._ _ _ _ _

______Taehyung’s voice grows soft as if Jimin is as fragile as everything else in the shop, “And you’re okay?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Jimin knows what Taehyung is doing. Ever since Jimin left his last serious relationship a few years back, Taehyung has become very interrogative of all of his even just potential romantic exploits. He knows that it’s just his best friend trying to protect him, but he hates knowing that Taehyung feels like he needs to take care of him. He can handle himself just fine._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Yeah,” Jimin says, surprised to find himself telling the truth, “I trust him.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“But would I?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Jimin is one to dive into someone wholeheartedly without blinking twice. Taehyung has seen it happen enough times to grow weary when he senses it starting again. He trusts more easily than he should, dragging his heart along the way. Taehyung has seen Jimin shed too many tears over unrequited love to just let him off the hook easily._ _ _ _ _ _

______Jimin swallows dryly before answering, “I think you would, too.”_ _ _ _ _ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one was a little shorter, but i think it turned out cute :)


	5. cute thing

“Namjoon’s here,” Taehyung calls back through the doorway. Jimin is just finishing closing up the safe for the night when he hears the door to the back office open again.

He’s surprised to hear that as he hasn’t seen Namjoon properly in a few days now. Jimin just figured he got caught up in something else and forgot about him already.

“Tell him I’ll be out-” Jimin’s words die on his tongue when he turns to see Namjoon already standing the doorway with a small bonsai in his hand. He has a nervous smile on his face that Jimin can’t help but mirror. 

“What are you doing here?” Jimin asks, quickly fixing his hair and adjusting his shirt,“And why do you have a tree?”

“Sorry it took me a few days to build up the courage, but I’m asking you on a proper date. And, um, it’s a bonsai. I figured it was better than flowers,” Namjoon explains sheepishly.

Jimin feels a soft heat rise under his cheeks as he brushes his hair back with his hand for probably the fifth time since Namjoon entered the room. He dips his head when he feels Namjoon walks closer. 

“I made us a dinner reservation down at a restaurant on the shore. If you want to head back to your house to change we have time.”

Namjoon’s voice is so tender that Jimin’s not sure if he’s actually melting on the spot. He wants to say he didn’t realize how much he missed Namjoon’s presence, but that’s far from the truth. It was nothing too drastic, but Jimin felt a little colder, a little more empty without him around. He’s upset with how fast he let Namjoon have that kind of power over him, but now that he’s here Jimin doesn’t mind at all.

Jimin finishes locking up with Taehyung before walking back to his house with Namjoon. The sun is burning a fervent red as it starts to disappear into the ocean. The heat from the sand burns through Jimin’s shoes. Just in this slow evening walk, sweat has already started to collect cooly on his brow.

The house is filled with a stale warmth that rushes out to greet them. Jimin closes the door behind Namjoon and goes to open a window. He needs some circulation in here, it’s been getting too stuffy in the summer heat.

“Could you pot that for me while I get in the shower?” Jimin calls out as he disappears into the bathroom. He catches a glimpse of Namjoon looking down almost surprised at the bonsai in his hands before nodding before heading to the backyard to find the proper tools.

The cool water of the shower feels refreshing, but also snaps Jimin back to reality. He has to be careful tonight. He can’t slip under any deeper than he already has or he’s in trouble. As hard as it will be, he needs to control himself around Namjoon and not let him in. _He’s just here for the summer. This is just for the summer._

Jimin carefully chooses his outfit. He knows that Namjoon will probably be happy with whatever he wears, but he still likes to look good.

Jimin walks out into the living room to see that Namjoon is done potting the small tree and has set it in the middle of the coffee table. It looks like it’s been there forever. It looks right.

“Wow,” Namjoon sighs as he catches a glimpse of Jimin.

“What?” Jimin laughs, hoping a blush doesn’t appear.

“You’re just,” Namjoon’s voice quiets, “Stunning.”

Jimin’s definitely blushing now, “Thank you.”

Namjoon gets up from his seat on the sofa to stand in front of Jimin. He looks him up and down with the same stunned look on his face.

“Stop,” Jimin giggles, lightly pushing against Namjoon’s chest.

“No, really,” Namjoon muses, “I don’t even think you realize how beautiful you are.”

Jimin stills at that. Namjoon’s words fill his chest, almost daring to burst. Namjoon’s gaze is unwavering, taking in every detail of Jimin’s face. His sun tanned skin is glowing in the straining light of the sunset and his lips stay slightly parted as he digests Namjoon’s words. 

Namjoon lifts his hand under Jimin’s chin to softly tilt his face up to meet his own. Jimin is sure that Namjoon moves in just a centimeter before Jimin breaks away.

“We should probably get going, right?” Jimin asks, smiling to cover up his rapidly beating heart. He pretends he doesn’t catch Namjoon’s sad smile before turning to leave the house.

The two of them walk down the beach in silence, letting the waves do all of the talking. Jimin reaches to hold Namjoon’s hand as they walk, hoping it acts as some sort of compensation. It’s not that he doesn’t want to be close to him, it’s just that he’s scared of how easily he falls. But of course he can’t explain that now. Thankfully the restaurant isn’t too far away. 

The restaurant is beautiful. They’re seated on the patio overlooking the beach, the space illuminated only by candlelight and the moon. The moonlight shimmers, giving everything a ghostly blue halo. Normally this is unsettling for Jimin, but with Namjoon by his side it just seems like light. Light can’t harm anyone, can it?

When they’re seated across from each other, Jimin is finally brave enough to look at Namjoon with the table between them acting as some sort of barrier.

“I’m sorry,” Jimin starts, but Namjoon shakes his head.

“No, you have no reason to be sorry,” Namjoon insists, voice reassuring and sincere. 

Jimin forces a small smile before diverting his attention to the menu. He mentally kicks himself for making things awkward before the actual date, but he knows he would’ve regretted letting Namjoon kiss him. He knows he would have wanted it just as much. 

Because Namjoon is sweet and thoughtful and kind, more than any other boy that has ever been interested in Jimin. His previous partner pulled him in that way, but spit him out the other end two years later, long after that facade melted away. It hurts Jimin to think how easy it was to fall for him and how blinded he was by that. How many times Taehyung told him to leave and he didn’t because he needed something, someone to hold onto.

But he knows that’s not Namjoon. He doesn’t know how, but he’s sure that the man sitting across from him is not the same. He’s not going to hurt Jimin.

“Jimin?” Namjoon’s voice gets Jimin to snap his head up out of the menu, “Do you know what you want?”

Jimin looks over to see the waiter already expectantly standing my his side. He quickly chooses something at random as not to keep everyone waiting. 

When the waiter walks away with the menus in hand, Jimin realizes he has nothing else to hide in.

“How was work today?” Namjoon asks, trying to maintain some sense of normality though he’s obviously crestfallen.

Jimin’s heart sinks. Namjoon doesn’t deserve this, but as much as Jimin knows he should reveal his hesitancies, it feels too early to do so without scaring him off. How do you tell someone that you’re scared of the lack of a potential forever when forever may not be what either of you want?

“It was good, actually,” Jimin responds, “Really exhausting, though. All the hardcore tourists are starting to pour in around this time of year.”

_The least you can do is not makes things any fucking weirder than you already have._

Namjoon seems to lighten a bit at Jimin’s response. 

“Must be more interesting than just standing around the store, though,” Namjoon says, looking Jimin in the eyes for the first time since sitting down.

Jimin just nods, “Yeah. Yeah, it is.” They share an awkward laugh in the tension. 

“What about you?” Jimin clears his throat, “I haven’t seen you in a bit, what have you been up to?”

Namjoon smiles apologetically at the mention of his absence, explaining, “I’ve actually been slowly taking over a corner in a beach side cafe near my hotel. I started writing again.”

“I didn’t know you were a writer,” Jimin comments, head tilting as a smile crawls onto his lips.

Namjoon dips his head and laughs to ease the pressure of the attention, “It’s nothing crazy, mostly academic writing. It’s probably put you right to sleep after the first page.”

Jimin rolls his eyes, “I’m sure that’s not true. You’re an interesting guy, I’m sure you can make any topic engaging.”

Namjoon looks at Jimin strangely, as if he’s trying to figure him out. Jimin knows he shouldn’t be flirting with him like nothing happened. He knows he shouldn’t be flirting with him, period. But here he is.

“Um, I’m not sure,” Namjoon laughs awkwardly, “It’s pretty dense. I don’t even think my colleagues actually read it.”

Jimin shakes his head and scoffs, “They’re missing out.”

“You say that like you’ve read my writing before,” Namjoon laughs.

“If you send it to me, I’ll read it,” Jimin offers. Namjoon shakes his head.

“You don’t have to say that. Thank you, though.”

Jimin pouts, “I’m being serious. I want to see your work.” As soon as he says it, he hates how true it is. He hates how much he wants to know everything about Namjoon.

Before Namjoon can respond, the waiter comes back to give them the food and wine that they had ordered. 

They start to eat while still making light conversation, dropping what was said before. The bottle of wine that Namjoon ordered goes mostly to Jimin as Namjoon takes much longer to finish off his first glass. Jimin is thankful for it as the alcohol settles warm and fuzzy into his bloodstream. Everything has a slight halo. Everything is softer and easier. He’s not drunk, just at ease. 

“Um, are you okay? From the other day I mean,” Namjoon asks, pushing the last of his food around on his plate.

It takes Jimin a second to realize that he’s talking about his brief faintness in the heat before reassuring, “Oh, yeah. It’s just, um, it’s just something happens sometimes. Well, it happened a lot more when I was a kid, I guess I should say. It always seems to happen on the hottest day of the year without fail, I guess my body just isn’t built for the heat.”

Namjoon laughs, “Says the person that was born on and has never left the island.”

Jimin would be a liar if he said he never saw the irony in it. He remembers the first day in middle school that his phys-ed teacher kept him inside when the whole class was to go out running near the end of the year. He remembers lying about feeling fine the year before to go out with the rest of them and then waking up in the nurse’s office. He just chalks it up to not eating enough, not drinking enough water, not getting enough sleep. He is built for this, he just needs to take extra care he says. He was born in and will be damned if he doesn’t die in the heat of the island. 

“I’m just glad to see you’re feeling better,” Namjoon says, voice easing Jimin’s nerves. 

Namjoon’s words grow sweeter as the night wears on. Jimin’s cheeks start to hurt from being pulled into a smile for almost the entirety of the dinner. 

Namjoon’s voice hangs low and velvety in the air, inviting Jimin in. He allows the older man to talk for most of the time, just wanting to be enveloped in his world. It’s warm. Jimin yawns before resting his head in his hands. He feels his eyelids getting heavy and the wine is doing nothing to help that.

“Look, I know my job is boring, but not enough to put you to sleep,” Namjoon says. He laughs when Jimin snaps his eyelids open.

“I’m listening, I’m listening,” Jimin insists, though as he says it his eyelids are already starting to close again, “Just had a long day.”

Namjoon lets him practically fall asleep at the table before saying, “Let’s go. I can either walk you back to your house or you can stay in my hotel room tonight.”

“Whichever is closer,” Jimin drawls, voice heavy with fatigue and wine. Namjoon helps him up out of his seat.

“Are you sure?” Namjoon asks, struggling to find eye contact with Jimin’s drooping eyelids in the way. Jimin just nods. He trusts Namjoon.

Namjoon practically carries him the entire way back to the hotel, but doesn’t protest. On the contrary actually, he laughs when Jimin asks him for a piggy back ride.

“As long as you don’t drool on my shoulder. This shirt’s expensive,” Namjoon jokes as he hoists the smaller man onto his back. Jimin hums some form of affirmative before Namjoon takes off down the sidewalk. 

Jimin must have fallen asleep somewhere along the trip because the next thing he remembers is being lowered down into Namjoon’s hotel bed. He closes his eyes expecting to soon feel another warm body lie down next to him, but when he doesn’t he snaps up. Namjoon is standing at the dresser taking off his glasses and grabbing a change of clothes from the drawers. Jimin watches as he starts to leave the room.

“Where are you going?” Jimin asks, not meaning for it to come out as pouty as it does. Namjoon turns back with a caring smile on his face.

“I’m going to sleep on the couch. The bed’s all yours, don’t worry.”

Jimin’s sure he sees Namjoon’s expression change even if just for a second, but he can’t pinpoint what it is in his drowsiness. He just nods and falls back onto the pillows, sleep taking him not long after.

\---

Jimin wakes up trembling. He’s coated in a thin layer of sweat and all of the sheets are thrown off of the bed. He feels his heart hammering in his chest as all of his other muscles freeze. He’s not home. He’s not home and everything is drifting away. Out of his sight, there’s no need for it to follow the laws of nature. Without him, there’s nothing to anchor it down. 

He knows he’s being irrational as his breath starts to quicken, but that doesn’t ease the panic that’s already started to rack his brain. Jimin squeezes his eyes shut, trying to shut it out. He tries reminding himself of the consistent things, the things that make him feel safe. 

He thinks of the waves, but as they come to him the high tide only makes breathing harder. He’s drowning until they gradually drain away. Maybe if he imagines Taehyung hard enough he’ll actually appear. 

When he feels a hand on his shoulder, just for a moment he thinks he’s actually done it. He dares to peel his eyes open and is met with a sleep mussed Namjoon by his side. His eyes are filled with worry and his touch is tentative as if he’s scared to break Jimin.

“What’s wrong?” Namjoon whispers.

“I’m sorry I woke you,” Jimin chokes out, trying to not let his voice waver. He feels his body shaking against Namjoon’s hand. His touch grows stronger like he’s trying to hold Jimin together.

“I figured if you were calling my name it was pretty important,” Namjoon just shrugs, “I’m here for whatever you need.”

Jimin doesn’t remember calling out for Namjoon, but he’s glad some part of him did. As embarrassed as he feels under Namjoon’s careful gaze, he needs someone by his side. He needs something solid and alive to hold onto. 

“Can you hold me?” Jimin tentatively asks, barely even whispering. 

At first Namjoon looks a bit taken aback by the request, but doesn’t hesitate in sitting behind Jimin and wrapping his arms around his middle. He squeezes in firmly as Jimin leans back into his chest, eyes still shut tight. His breath still feels shallow and his heart is still relentlessly pushing out of his chest, but having someone there is slowly making things better. Someone is there for him. Everything is not gone. 

As Jimin very slowly calms down, he realizes they’ve made their way to lay flat on the bed. Jimin finally opens his eyes fully to see Namjoon’s face inches away from his own. He looks exhausted, eyes closed and seconds away from sleep.

The last thing Jimin usually wants in this heat and sweat is to be pressed up against another body. Yet here they are.

Jimin will admit he’s scared. When he looks into Namjoon’s face he feels his heart swell in a way it hasn’t in a while. He doesn’t know if he has the strength to fall for someone again, but he also doesn’t have the strength to stop himself.

Jimin brings his hand up to touch Namjoon’s cheek, softly running his thumb over the sun kissed skin. Namjoon’s eyes flutter open at the touch, immediately finding Jimin’s gaze.

“Are you okay?” Namjoon asks, voice cracking with fatigue. Jimin just barely nods both in uncertainty and in the need to keep Namjoon’s gaze.

They are frozen under the stare of the other, not daring to move and shatter what it is that they’ve just built. Jimin sees himself reflected in Namjoon’s eyes and wants to be closer. Despite his better reasoning, he can’t help but want to melt together, leaving no real ending or beginning to Jimin without Namjoon. 

The exchange of warm breath falls into soft, honeyed kisses slow as the descent of the first autumn leaves. It is sweet, that much Jimin will admit, completely masking the expected salt of sweat. A sickly sweet that will last on his tongue for weeks despite his half-hearted efforts to rinse it out.


	6. carry me out

Jimin wakes up in an unfamiliar bed. The space beside him in still warm. In his half sleep, he reaches out to grab for the body that should be there. It’s already gone.

He opens his eyes to see Namjoon looking at him from across the room, a groggy smile on his face. 

“Come back,” Jimin whines, too tired to really realize what he’s asking. All he knows is that he wants it.

Namjoon saunters over to the bedside and Jimin reaches his arms out. His eyes aren’t even open anymore. He hears Namjoon laugh under his breath before crawling back into the bed. 

Jimin almost sighs at the return of warmth as if it filled a hole in him. He rests his head on Namjoon’s chest as he curls up into his side. At first the older man stays rigid. Save for last night, this is the closest they’ve ever been. It still feels fresh and uncertain. 

But as Jimin softens into his side, Namjoon does, as well. He finds his hand coming up under Jimin’s shirt to trace lazy circles his back. He feels Jimin’s breathing slow against him, not entirely sure if he’s even still awake. But the closeness is good. It’s been a while for the both of them.

“Why didn’t you kiss me the first time?” Namjoon finds himself asking even though he never expected to this quickly. Maybe he found the courage in the possibility that maybe Jimin isn’t even listening.

When he feels Jimin still he knows he is.

Jimin wants to say, " _I’m scared of giving myself to you and then watching you leave with that part of me still attached_.” But he doesn’t. 

Jimin curls in smaller, holds on tighter, saying, “I don’t know. Just being stupid, I guess.”

Namjoon doesn’t really believe it, but then again he doesn’t really know much about Jimin and how he functions. He takes it as the truth for now.

“Do you regret that we did last night?”

Jimin should say yes for his own sake because he does regret letting himself fall into the one thing he said he wouldn’t. The one thing that he knows is going to hurt him. But he doesn’t regret it. He would do it again and again and again.

So he does.

Jimin lifts his head off of Namjoon’s chest to meet his lips. Namjoon is taken aback at first, but is quick to kiss Jimin back. It’s just as soft and sweet; the night before wasn’t a fluke. 

Jimin pulls back for a moment to look at Namjoon’s face in the soft morning light. Jimin traces his jaw with a light touch as he flutters open hooded eyes.

“So beautiful,” Jimin mumbles to himself.

“What?” Namjoon asks, a smile quickly spreading across his face. Jimin’s thumb comes up to his dimples.

“I just said that you’re beautiful,” Jimim repeats.

He watches as Namjoon’s face scrunches up and a blush starts to dust his cheeks.

_It would be so easy to love him_.

Quickly pushing that thought out of his mind, Jimin shifts to straddle Namjoon and place his hands on either side of his head. Namjoon looks at him with wide eyes making Jimin giggle before diving in to meet their lips. 

Jimin kisses him deeply, a strong desire to be close to someone coursing through his veins. Namjoon is tentative in reciprocating, but Jimin doesn’t mind. He just needs to put all his love into someone right now, he can worry about getting it back later.

Jimin drags his teeth along Namjoon’s lower lip, eliciting a light groan from the older man. Jimin smiles into the next kiss, happy with the reaction. He deepens the kiss, subconsciously rocking his hips onto Namjoon’s in the process. Already he feels a moan start to form in his own throat. Too deep.

Jimin quickly pulls away, causing Namjoon to lift up and chase his lips. Jimin meets him with a quick peck before climbing off of Namjoon. 

“I’m going to use the bathroom,” Jimin says, needing any excuse to leave the mess he made. He hears Namjoon let out a dry laugh in disbelief of what just happened. 

Jimin goes to wash his face with cold water, hoping the chill will shock him back into his senses. The coolness is unpleasant, but his thoughts still linger. He can’t even bring himself to look in the mirror.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing, Jimin?” He berates himself under his breath.

He tries to shake any lingering trace of frustration off of his face before looking in the mirror. There are dark circles under his eyes as evidence of the night he had. He looks tired. His chest feels kind of empty. Not the gnawing kind of empty, but the dull ache empty that's too easy to get used to. And the fact that it’s a feeling goes away as soon as he's around Namjoon is exactly the problem.

He opens the door anyways.

“You okay?” Namjoon asks, sitting on the bed with a ghost of an embarrassed blush still on his cheeks.

Jimin leans against the doorframe, though desperately wanting to come closer, “Yeah. I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?” Namjoon shifts in his seat.

_No_.

“Yeah, sorry. I’ve been feeling,” Jimin tries to find the right word, “Weird lately. Not your fault.”

Namjoon drops his gaze to the floor. Jimin feels his chest twist.

Namjoon sighs before speaking, “I just want to make sure you want this. That what we’re doing is okay.”

Jimin’s brain screams ‘no’ at him. _No, it’s not okay because I’m going to end up liking you too much and I can already feel it happening_. 

“Yes,” Jimin smiles, “I want this.” Because it’s true.

Jimin feels brave enough to take a few steps forward. Secure enough to take Namjoon’s hand in his. Ready enough to pull the man up off of the bed.

“I want you,” Jimin says. 

He watches Namjoon’s face soften above him. Jimin brings his other hand up to Namjoon’s cheek as if to make sure they weren't both melting away, melting together. 

He feels Namjoon squeeze their still intertwined hands as if to say "I'm right here". Jimin doesn’t even realize either of them have moved until their lips are together again.

That seems to be enough for Namjoon.

They both pull away, keeping the kiss short enough for it just to be sweet. Their hands are still together.

“Hungry?” Namjoon asks quietly, gently squeezing Jimin’s hand. Jimin drops his forehead into the taller man’s chest, honestly not wanting to leave this spot for anything.

“Not really, but I should eat,” Jimin admits. 

Namjoon and Jimin only let go of one another when they exit the elevator and walk into the hotel lobby.

The dining space is bright and lively, large windows opening up views of the beach to guests eagerly chatting over breakfast. Being in this hotel is strange for Jimin, feeling like a tourist in a place he's lived his entire life. _No harm in pretending for a day_ , he thinks.

Jimin is hungrier than he realizes. If Taehyung we're here it would be an I-told-you-so-actually-I-tell-you-every-time-you-just-never-listen-to-me moment. But it's Namjoon sitting in front of him. Someone so new that Jimin sometimes has a hard time believing he's real.

“I mean a hotel breakfast is nothing fancy, but it’s better than if I tried to cook for you,” Namjoon jokes after taking a bite out of a muffin.

“Oh, I bet you’re fine,” Jimin waves him off. He's not amazing in the kitchen either, but finds that most people are generally better chefs than they put on.

“You’d be surprised,” Namjoon shakes his head and laughs, “One I was cooking for my friends and managed to burn the pot without burning the food inside. Don’t ask me how.” 

“My mom was a terrible cook, too,” Jimin giggle, remembering fondly, “I remember on my fourteenth birthday Tae tried to help her make my cake and he ended up just kicking her out of the kitchen. Told her she was a health hazard.”

Namjoon admits, “He would probably say the same to me.”

Jimin smiles, “I remember being so surprised at him saying it, too. Thinking that she must have done something seriously heinous because Tae loved my mom so much.”

“What was your mom like?” Namjoon asks carefully.

Normally Jimin would've changed the topic, but something in him urges him to speak. Maybe because he needs to tell someone about her. Maybe because he knows that Namjoon actually cares.

“She was,” Jimin tries to find the right words, never having had described her to anyone that didn’t know her, “Firm. But always very warm and kind. Everyone who knew her loved her. If you even mention her around Tae he’ll go on forever.” He trails off smiling.

Jimin pauses before continuing, “She always knew what she wanted and how to get it. She took over the shop from her parents with my dad when they were just eighteen. She begrudgingly gave the keys to me when I turned twenty one. It was her baby as much as I am. She didn't want to let it go.”

Jimin looks up to read Namjoon’s face. He's silent at first, thinking carefully about how to respond. 

“I'm sure she'd be proud of you for keeping it up so well,” Namjoon assures, “Sounds like it was really important to her.”

“Yeah, it was her life. After she gave it up to me, um,” Jimin swallows thickly. 

_You don't have to keep going if you don't want to_ , Jimin reassures himself.

But he does, or maybe it's more that he needs to.

“ She died the next year.”

Jimin expects the usual tears, but none come. Three years later and it's the first time he's mentioned her death without at least tearing up. 

But he doesn't want to risk it, quickly changing the subject.

“Anyways, enough about me,” Jimin lifts his head, shaking off the lingering grief, “What are you doing today? I don’t have work if you want to do something.”

Namjoon looks saddened at Jimin’s sudden shift, sensing that he didn't want to change the subject but felt more like he should. 

He responds nevertheless, “The weather’s not supposed to be too hot if you want to head to the beach. You’re probably bored of that by now.”

“I actually haven’t had a beach day in a while,” Jimin shrugs, actually pretty excited at the prospect of spending time by the water.

Namjoon looks at him in nothing less than utter shock.

“I just didn’t have a reason,” Jimin defends, lightly laughing and he pushes the rest of his breakfast around his plate.

“You don’t always have to have a reason for doing things, I thought we discussed this,” Namjoon sighs though with a knowing smile.

“I know, I know. Taehyung tells me the same thing,” Jimin mocks his friend’s deep voice, “ _Jimin, you have to go outside once in a while. Jimin, you shouldn’t be working all the time. Jimin, you can't just talk to me for the rest of your life, you have to go out_.”

“He cares about you a lot,” Namjoon says.

Jimin just nods. He knows at this point he pretty much owes Taehyung his life. They found each other at just the right time and have been inseparable ever since. They stuck to one another so quickly that they didn't even realize it happened. It's not like either of them would want to leave the other anyways. Luckily sometimes things still work out like that.

Namjoon and Jimin finish off their meal and walk out of the hotel soon after. The sun is bright, but not blinding. The heat isn't too much either, but just enough for the chilly ocean water to be more relief than shock. 

Jimin feels different, but a good different for once. Change is not something he typically welcomes, but he didn't even see it coming in time enough to stop it. Or maybe he did and he just let it happen.

“Oh, god,” Namjoon winces, “Hot sand.”

Jimin looks over to see Namjoon with his shoes in his hand, jumping back into the equally hot sidewalk.

“Put your shoes back on, dumbass,” Jimin laughs as Namjoon hops down the beach.

“They're not made for the beach, they'll get ruined!” Namjoon yells back over his shoulder.

Jimin trails behind as Namjoon rushes to put down his towel and put a barrier between his feet and the sand. Jimin doubles over laughing when he sees the complete look of relief that washes over Namjoon’s face. 

“The sand’s hot,” Namjoon gasps.

Jimin laughs, “You should know that by now. You’ve been here long enough.”

Namjoon keeps a stoic face as shakes his head, “No. I won’t change my ways. I’m waiting for mother nature to catch up with me.”

Jimin throws himself onto Namjoon for support as he breaks out into laughter causing a small smile to sneak onto Namjoon’s face. Jimin looks up at Namjoon. They smile at each other for a moment, letting the sun bake them together. Jimin rises up on his toes to quickly kiss Namjoon on the cheek before running off to the water.

He doesn't go out too far. The water rushes past Jimin’s legs, just barely brushing up against the hem of his shorts. He stands still and lets the sand slip from under his feet, feeling himself sinking into the beach. 

Jimin hears Namjoon calling after him and he turns around to see him running up behind him. Jimin wades out a little further before feeling firm arms wrap around his middle and lift him up over the wave about to hit him. Jimin dissolves into giggles as Namjoon continues to swing him above the water.

“Put me down,” Jimin gasps out between laughs.

“Put you down?” Namjoon asks, his lips brushing Jimin’s ear, “You want me to put you down?”

“Yes,” Jimin laughs as Namjoon squeezes tighter. 

“What was that? I didn't quite hear you,” Namjoon teases, still swinging Jimin in his arms.

Jimin turns his head to face Namjoon and repeats louder, “Put me down!” 

“Okay, okay,” Namjoon whispers, “Whatever you say,” before turning them around and falling back into the waves.

Jimin comes up for air, gasping and drenched. Namjoon rises out of the water slowly with a shit eating grin plastered across his face. 

“Fuck you,” Jimin says, hitting Namjoon across the chest with a huge smile, “That’s not what I meant.”

Namjoon grabs Jimin’s wrists and smirks, “You should’ve clarified.” Jimin falls into Namjoon’s arms and looks up at him through the wet hair hanging over his eyes. The sun is shining behind his head illuminating his already glistening skin with a light halo. He looks down at Jimin with the kindest eyes. The kind of look that holds a sense of care so potent that even a random passerby could easily pinpoint.

_I could love him_.

Jimin feels his heart clench. He reassures himself that this is just for the summer. And love will never have anything to do with it. 

He kisses Namjoon anyways. Memorizes the way he tastes with the hint of seawater just like his head is telling him not to.


	7. love isn't love enough

Waking up to Namjoon in his bed has become something Jimin has grown to expect. Over the days spent together under the sun, they begin to melt together. Limbs entangle and bodies become one; there is no difference between one and the other. They are a two-headed being, sharing heart and hands.

Maybe Jimin notices when they walk into the shop together for the fifth time that week and Taehyung announces, “Ah, Minjoon. How delightful for you to grace us with your presence.”

“First of all, you’re the only one here. Second of all, what did you just call us?” Jimin asks incredulously while pulling up the blinds that were covering the front window. 

“Oh, Minjoon. I barely ever see you guys apart nowadays, so I just figured you did the deed and got surgically attached at the hip,” Taehyung says, not looking up from the mail on the counter.

Jimin rolls his eyes, but he knows it’s true. Ever since their bike date a month ago, it was rare to see one without the other. Namjoon would often walk with Jimin to work and hang around for an hour or so before leaving to work at the cafe. After work, Jimin would go see Namjoon. It became a routine.

“And you say I’m dramatic,” Jimin teases.

“You know I love you guys,” Taehyung reassures before walking into the back office to sort some things out before the shop opens for the day.

And Jimin does know. Though Taehyung has told Jimin to be careful, he has been nothing but supportive. He has seen Jimin fall for people that could never reciprocate and how much it breaks him every time. He doesn’t want to see Jimin hurt, but he’s accepted that Namjoon would never do that. 

Jimin turns back to Namjoon as the older man’s arms snake around his waist. Jimin looks up at him expectantly. 

“What time do you close today?” Namjoon asks, pulling Jimin closer.

Jimin guides Namjoon down to quickly kiss him before saying, “Six. Same as every other day.”

Namjoon squeezes Jimin tighter and groans, “I know, but I was still hoping it would be sooner than that.” Jimin laughs as Namjoon throws his head back with a sigh.

“You’ll survive,” Jimin says, clasping his hands behind Namjoon’s neck. Namjoon brings his head back to look at Jimin with an unamused expression.

“I don’t think I can,” Namjoon complains, “Not without you for ten hours.”

“Well, you’ve done it before and you’re going to do it again,” Jimin pauses to kiss him, “It’s going to be crazy busy today, so we can’t have you hanging around.”

“I know. I have work I should be doing anyways,” Namjoon begrudgingly agrees. 

Jimin looks up into Namjoon’s eyes and feels warmth radiating off of him in waves. His arms are secure and safe. It’s the first time Jimin’s desire has been fully reciprocated in someone else. No wonder this routine with him was so easy to fall into.

Namjoon kisses him one last time before reluctantly making his exit. Jimin watches him leave smiling.

“You guys are so into each other it’s gross,” Taehyung says out of nowhere, slightly scaring Jimin.

“It’s not gross,” Jimin says, walking over to help his best friend unpack a new donation of antique porcelain plates. 

Taehyung is inspecting their surfaces for cracks as he responds, “Because you’re not on the outside of it. A man can only watch his best friend go all heart eyes for a guy for so long. It’s like a never ending honeymoon stage.”

“Don’t jinx it,” Jimin whines, finally looking up from the plate. Taehyung laughs at the fact that that’s what got his attention. 

“It’s so weird how well you get each other in such a short period of time,” Taehyung continues, “You guys are like one person.”

“Hey. He makes me happy,” Jimin pouts, carefully shining the plates and admiring their intricate designs. 

“I know, I know,” Taehyung sighs, “I’m just being bitter and lonely. I am really happy for you. You seem to be doing well.”

Jimin worries his bottom lip between his teeth when Taehyung speaks. He completely forgot about Jungkook being gone for the summer. Typically when Jungkook leaves for work, the best Jimin can do is offer Taehyung comfort from hypothetical postulating. But now with a person by his side who he would be just as upset about being separated from, he is perfectly equipped to understand to his friend more fully. But he’s not using it.

“I am,” Jimin trails off, not knowing if it’s the exact right time to bring this up, “How are you? It’s been about a month without him.”

Taehyung sighs, putting his cleaning rag down, “I’ve been doing fine. Not any better or worse than usual.” He looks like he has something else to say, but he stays quiet. 

“He’ll be back soon, though,” Jimin says, the only real solace in all of this, “And he’s going to be so excited to see you. He always is.”

Taehyung smiles softly at the memories of all the times he’s see Jungkook walk through the airport with a spring in his step and a large smile across his face. Jimin was there a few times to see it happen. It is always so bright like stars colliding. 

“It’ll feel so good to see him again that you’ll immediately forget how much it sucks right now,” Jimin’s just guessing, but that’s how he would feel if Namjoon came back after leaving. A sigh of relief so great that you’re not really sure what was heavy on your chest in the first place.

“I better because it fucking sucks a lot,” Taehyung jokes, but there’s definitely some truth to it. Jimin can feel it in his voice. 

Jimin goes to pick up the last plate, but it slips out of his grasp. By instinct he dives down to save it, catching it centimeters away from hitting the floor. 

He sighs, but doesn’t feel relieved even seeing the plate still intact in his own two hands. Even having prevented disaster, his body continues shaking and his heart is still hammering in his chest. 

“You good?” Taehyung asks, peering over to Jimin’s side of the counter.

“Yeah,” Jimin breathes, “Caught it.”

Jimin is overly careful for the rest of the shift, not wanting another freak accident. He’s never broken anything in the shop for as long as he’s been allowed inside. He doesn’t want to change that now. 

A lot of stuffy tourists come in complaining about the heat and seeking solace inside an air conditioned building where they can spend too much money too fast. Jimin treats them all as kindly as he can, but he’ll admit that it’s easy to grow weary of smiling at people who clearly think nothing of you. So goes the retail industry. 

When they finally catch a break, Taehyung comes over to wrap his arms around Jimin’s shoulders and lean all of his body weight into the shorter man. Jimin stumbles under the weight, not prepared to support him.

“God, Tae. Be careful,” Jimin groans as he adjusts his footing.

“I’m tired,” Taehyung whines, pressing himself further into Jimin’s back.

Jimin sighs, “That’s why you shouldn’t stay up until two in the morning talking to Jungkook. I thought this already happened last week.”

“I know, but I can’t help it. I just-” Taehyung cuts himself off and hops onto his own feet when his phone starts ringing, “That’s him. I’ll be right back.” 

Jimin rolls his shoulders out as he watches Taehyung step out into the heat to take his call. He’s smiling before he even lifts the phone to his ear. Jimin feels like he’s intruding by watching, so he turns to find some menial task to busy himself with. 

It’s only a few minutes later when Taehyung comes back in looking a little deflated. Jimin can guess what the phone call was probably about. All he has to do is give Taehyung a look to get him to talk.

“He has to stay out for an extra week,” Taehyung says, chest sinking further down with each word. 

Jimin doesn’t hesitate in walking to his friend’s side and giving him a tight hug. He knows words won’t do much to ease the pain. Talking about these things often just make them harder. The best thing Jimin can do is let Taehyung know that he’s here and that he’s never going anywhere. They are each other’s constant and nothing is going to change that.

They stay working side by side for the rest of the work day, exchanging small touches and reassurances. They’re never alone when they’re together. 

By the time six o’clock rolls around, Taehyung can barely keep his eyes open. He was already tired enough without the emotional exhaustion, so Jimin helps him close up shop as fast as possible. The melting of the sun outside mirrors Taehyung’s heart.

“Do you want to spend the night at my place?” Jimin asks, grabbing onto Taehyung’s shoulder as the walk out into the warmth of the evening.

Taehyung shakes his head softly, “I think I just want to be by myself tonight. Plus Namjoon will want to be with you anyways.”

“We can spare one night.”

“It’s okay, Jiminie,” Taehyung assures with a small smile, “I just need some sleep. We have all the time in the world to hang out and cheer each other up.”

And though that’s a comforting sentiment, something about it twists Jimin’s heart. He knows that he and Namjoon don’t have that time. 

Jimin tells Taehyung to text him when he gets home before he sends him on his way. Jimin trudges through the sand in the opposite direction.

When Jimin gets home, he makes a beeline for his bed. No matter how sweaty or hungry he’s grown throughout the work day, his fatigue overpowers everything else. He just needs to lay down for a minute or so. 

He flops down face first at the end of the bed, groaning at the release of tension in his body. Spending all day standing in the sticky warmth of summer saps the energy from your body. With the sun beating on your back, it’s hard to keep going.

Jimin turns over onto his back to start shimmying off his jeans. He keeps wearing them to work because that was his dad’s standard. He always said it was too unprofessional to show up to work in shorts. Both Jimin and Taehyung both have kept up the rule even in their summer discomfort.

Once his pants are off Jimin finally feels like he can breathe. With the ceiling fan humming quietly above him, he lets himself drift off. 

The island smells especially sweet today. The florals mix with the salt of the beach outside of his door, bringing in a refreshing and familiar aroma. Jimin wishes he could bottle it up for safe keeping. 

He doesn’t know how long he lies there in silence, basking in the natural beauty of his home, but he jumps awake when he hears the door open.

He crawls back onto the bed and grabs his phone, not wanting Namjoon to think he’s been waiting too long for him.

Namjoon enters the bedroom with a sigh and tired eyes. When he sees Jimin laying out on the bed his face brightens.

“Hey, baby,” Namjoon muses, leaning into the doorframe. Jimin feels his warm gaze from across the room.

“How was your day?” Namjoon asks, looking just as smitten as the first day. Jimin blushes under that kind of attention. Namjoon always has a way of making him feel special even in the most mundane of moments.

“Tiring. Good. Taehyung says hi. The usual,” Jimin drawls, “How about you?”

“Tiring, as well. I stayed in the same corner of the cafe for hours,” Namjoon says, sitting down on the bed as he takes his shoes off, “I just wanted to get a final burst of solid work in before next week.”

Jimin crawls over and drapes his arms around Namjoon’s shoulders. He smells like the island.

Jimin starts to press soft kisses into Namjoon’s neck as he asks, “What’s next week?”

Namjoon sighs, Jimin’s touch already affecting him, before he says, “Going home.”

“Oh.”

As many times as Jimin has reminded himself of the temporality of Namjoon, he’s found himself latching onto the hope that maybe he’ll stay. That maybe he’s just kidding. That maybe if Jimin loves him enough this could stick.

Jimin reaches for Namjoon’s face, pulling him down to meet their lips. He kisses him deeply, trying to etch every sensation into memory. 

Before he even realizes what he’s doing, Jimin has pushed Namjoon down on the bed and placed his small hands firmly on the older man’s chest. Namjoon makes a surprised sound into their mouths at first touch, but quickly meets Jimin’s pace and hunger.

Namjoon tastes like the ocean, a natural side effect of spending time on the island. It sticks to you for everyone to see with no apology. He tastes like home. Jimin presses deeply into Namjoon’s mouth wanting to taste that familiarity on him. It’s much more than lust.

Jimin grinds down on Namjoon as he strives to be closer, eliciting a deep moan from the man underneath him that Jimin swallows with a kiss. The next time his hips drop, Namjoon firmly grips his sides, guiding his body on top of him. Already half-hard and breathless, Jimin needs to be closer, needs something more lasting. Namjoon meets Jimin’s hips with his own and they both moan out, voices meeting in between mouths and becoming one. 

Namjoon’s hands slide up from Jimin’s sides to slip his shirt off. The night breeze is cool on Jimin’s bare skin, but it’s good. One less barrier. Once it’s off, Jimin dives right back down to rejoin lips. 

Jimin shivers as Namjoon’s hands trace over his chest up to his face. Jimin wonders if Namjoon can sense his fervor or has any idea where it comes from. Whether he does or not, he must have some sense that Jimin needs it. Of all the times they have been here together, Jimin has never needed to be so connected so badly.

Jimin keeps close to Namjoon as the man starts to unbutton his own shirt under Jimin. Jimin slides his hands under the fabric to feel Namjoon, to really feel him. Namjoon quickly discards his shirt and immediately starts to work his belt off. 

Jimin slides his hands underneath the band on Namjoon’s underwear as he feels hands gripping his own ass. Namjoon is firm, pressing Jimin down into him, giving less and less space between them. They slip down each other’s underwear in sync, both reaching the breaking point at the same time. Tired of things separating their bodies.

Jimin pulls away only for a moment to see Namjoon all honeyed skin and hooded eyes. Love drunk, he smiles lazily up at Jimin. 

Even as they are both stark naked it feels unlasting, insignificant. They’ve seen each other’s bodies before and other people will see them after. But their bodies together is only possible now.

Jimin lowers himself back down, licking hotly into Namjoon’s mouth. The older man’s hands return to Jimin’s sides and brings him down so pelvises meet. 

After feeling Namjoon’s hardness up against his own, Jimin’s vision blurs. He moves too quickly, too desperately to even keep track himself. All he knows is Namjoon is there every step of the way.

As Jimin readily lowers himself down onto Namjoon he thinks of all the nights they have shared. It was never this fervent and Jimin is conscious of it. He knows that this is his silent cry to Namjoon to stay, to be with him for as long as he’ll have him. That premature endings are going to be the death of him and that he never wants to hear Namjoon say goodbye. Jimin doesn’t know if Namjoon hears it.

Jimin thought closeness was the solution, but even with Namjoon inside of him he is craving something deeper. Something impossible in the physical. To share one body. To never be alone. To never be without home. 

But these are not things that can be said, not now. Jimin tries to focus on the man with him right now, physically. He tries to remove impossible things from his mind. He tries to focus on giving Namjoon everything in hopes that maybe then he won’t take it all with him. But he still tries to find a piece of him reflected in Namjoon’s eyes. Some semblance of oneness.

They come out of sync despite Jimin’s efforts. The look on Namjoon’s face is at least satisfaction enough. Jimin made him feel good and that’s enough. He can do that much.

They lay still side by side, their pleasure sweated bodies glistening in the blue light of the moon. Jimin wipes his own come off of his belly. Namjoon ties up the condom and throws it in the trash. In Jimin’s periphery he sees Namjoon turn on his side to face him. 

“I wish I could stay here forever,” Namjoon sighs as he reaches up a hand to run through Jimin’s hair.

_Maybe you could_ , Jimin almost says, but for some reason it seems smarter to bite his tongue. 

“I’ve been dreading going back home, really. There’s nowhere like this,” Namjoon’s voice voice starts to get dreamy, but he quickly snaps out of it to dryly joke, “But it's like being an adult means having responsibilities and expectations or something.”

Jimin finally turns to look at him, “I thought you liked home.”

“I do. I love it. That’s why this feels so strange to not want to go back,” Namjoon’s hand trails down Jimin’s chin, thumb gently tracing the contour of his lips. 

Jimin waits for his hand to move before speaking again, “Once you get back I’m sure you’ll be happy enough to not miss this place too much.”

“I don’t know,” Namjoon’s words trail off like they stand teetering on a precipice for a few breaths, “There’s no you at home.” 

Whatever armor Jimin had been half-heartedly building up has been jaggedly splintered by this swift dagger. His chest cracks open and his heart spills out onto the floor. 

“I can’t leave.” Barely a whisper. Jimin hates the way his voice wavers. 

Namjoon looks away from Jimin for the first time since he started talking, “I’m not asking you to.”

“Then I suppose it would be unfair of me to ask you to stay.”

“I think so, yeah.”

So much for oneness.

Jimin doesn’t realize he’s crying until there are soft hands wiping at his cheeks and a familiar voice offering soft apologies. Before lips can meet, he turns himself around to slot his body against Namjoon’s. He knows a kiss is more than he can handle right now. _When did I become this weak?_ , he thinks. This summer is melting him and he lets his body puddle more and more every day. 

He knows better than to latch onto something so strongly in the heat of July. The tighter his grip, the more sweat threatens to loosen it and let him drop. Sometimes good things aren’t meant to last so they can live immortally good in memory. Or at least that is what he says to reassure himself enough to fall asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just for some ref a lot of my inspiration for this fic came from the twin fantasy album by car seat headrest, especially the opening and closing songs my boy (twin fantasy) and twin fantasy (those boys). really beautiful songs that i've loved a lot and cried a lot to lol
> 
> whew i think i'll post about three more chapters in this one before it's done <3


	8. i haven't look at the sun for so long

It is not long before morning sneaks into the room with its gold light pooling around their too-close faces. Jimin slowly opens his heavy lidded eyes to look into a soft, disappearing face. There is the impulse to reach out and touch just to make sure his hand doesn’t just slide right through it. It looks too serene to be real, too ethereal to be human. Nothing that perfect is stable. 

Namjoon blinks his eyes open and smiles softly when he sees Jimin is already awake. Jimin quickly averts his eyes as he feels his heart start to catch in his throat. He feels lips barely kiss the space between his eyebrows. He would look up to see if Namjoon really was disappearing in front of him, but the heat building up underneath his skin threatened him not to. 

“Can’t you look me in the eyes?” Namjoon asks, voice thick with sleep. Jimin does.

Namjoon’s eyes melt to amber in the sunrise, trapping Jimin again in their viscous gold. Jimin hopes he will be trapped inside them forever, preserved for everyone else to see. _I was here first_.

“I’m sorry for bringing that up,” Namjoon means it.

Jimin’s words get caught in his throat, choking out a muffled, “It’s okay.” 

“We can’t ignore it.”

The way Namjoon is looking at Jimin is a small death in and of itself. Like he’s already saying goodbye.

“I know,” Jimin pouts. He can feel himself acting childish, but in all honesty he couldn’t care less about that right now.

“It doesn’t have to be the absolute end. We can still stay in touch,” Namjoon assures as he reaches out to lay a soft hand on Jimin’s cheek. He rubs light circles with his thumb when he gets no response.

“Okay.” Too scared to speak honestly and say: _that makes it worse, but okay_.

“Can we enjoy the rest of the week?” Namjoon stills, meeting Jimin’s eyes.

All Jimin can do to respond is plant a quick kiss to say, _I’ll try my best, but tears can be sneaky bastards_.

Jimin slips out of bed before anything else can happen. He doesn’t look up as he heads over to the bathroom, scared that Namjoon will catch a glimpse of his eyes already going glassy. 

Jimin avoids the mirror as he gets ready to shower. He’s scared to see himself disappearing.

The scalding water of the shower helps bring back some sense of feeling alive, washing off the night before. As he watches the water roll off of his shoulders he feels better somehow. Only marginally, but it’s still something.

Maybe he’s just being overdramatic. Maybe this isn’t as bad as he thinks it is. He knew Namjoon would have to leave and he never expected himself to follow. He knew this from the start. _Then why does this feel so fucking awful?_

Jimin doesn’t know how long he’s been standing in the shower, but it was long enough to completely fog the mirror. 

Namjoon cracks open the door to call into the bathroom, “Hey, babe. Tae just texted me. Said to come by his house and that he has a surprise.”

“I’ll be out in a second,” Jimin calls back, quickly drying off. Though the heat was pleasant in the shower, the humid room is starting to feel oppressive. After briefly towel drying his hair, he slips on fresh underwear and walks back into the bedroom.

Namjoon is sitting on the bed waiting, looking up at Jimin when he enters the room. As Jimin scans his closet, he feels warm arms wrap around the bare skin of his stomach. Namjoon curves down to rest his chin in the crook of Jimin’s neck. With Namjoon’s chest flush to his back, the warmth of bodies doesn’t allow Jimin to give his undivided attention to his outfit choice.

“Did Taehyung say what we were doing? Any specific clothing requirements?” Jimin asks as Namjoon turns his head to leave lazy kisses on the side of his neck.

“Nope,” Namjoon mumbles into soft skin. His hold around Jimin tightens for a second before letting go.

“I’ll let you finish getting ready, I’ll be in the living room,” Namjoon says. Jimin instantly feels his absence. 

It doesn’t take Jimin too long to get dressed, getting more curious about what Taehyung could possibly have waiting for them at his house. It’s not that Jimin minds, it’s just that Taehyung is usually an open book, texting Jimin about things as soon as they happen. 

After he finished getting ready, Namjoon and Jimin walk to Taehyung’s hand in hand despite the heat. Taehyung’s house isn’t too far from Jimin’s, but even the few minutes in the sun is enough to give the skin a glossy sheen of sweat. 

Before Jimin can even knock, Taehyung swings the door open beaming, “Guess what?”

Jimin can’t help but smile back at his friend as he repeats, “What?”

“You have to guess,” Taehyung insists. Jimin rolls his eyes. 

“You’re taking too long, never mind,” Taehyung huffs and swings his door open. 

Jimin cranes his head to see Jungkook standing there in the living room, all smiles. 

“Kookie!” Jimin exclaims, bolting into the house to nearly tackle the taller man into a hug. Jungkook squeezes him back tightly, laughing at his enthusiasm. 

“We missed you so much,” Jimin mumbles into his shoulder, refusing to let go quite yet. The hug may be uncomfortably long, but Jimin’s making up for lost time.

Though he can’t compare his longing for Jungkook to Taehyung’s at all, Jimin did miss him a lot. He’s a great friend and has been for years. He’s often the first one to make Jimin smile when he’s feeling down and he’s never not been there for him. Jimin always wants him to stay as much as Taehyung does.

Jungkook laughs, though not letting go either, “Yeah, Taehyung let me know that every day. Believe me.” Jimin hears Taehyung scoff in the background.

Jimin finally lets go to turn and see Namjoon still standing awkwardly by the door. Taehyung had brought him inside, but he stands like he’s about to be asked to leave.

“Jungkook, this is Namjoon. He’s visiting the island for the summer,” Jimin introduces the two men.

Namjoon clears his throat and reaches out to shake Jungkook’s hand, “Nice to meet you.”

Jimin doesn’t know why Namjoon’s acting so strangely. There’s an awkward tension slowly filling the room and Jimin’s determined to break it. He’ll be damned if Namjoon doesn’t fit into this part of his life. 

“How’d you manage to get back early?” Jimin asks turning to Jungkook and placing a comforting hand on Namjoon’s back. This seems to soothe him a bit.

“I was able to negotiate a contract where the bulk of my work is remote now. They still fly me out maybe once or twice a year, but you’ll be seeing a lot more of me now,” Jungkook is talking to Jimin, but his eyes are on Taehyung the whole time, full of what cannot be labeled as anything but unadulterated love. Jimin’s heart clenches and he’s not sure why.

“I texted you guys because I thought we should go on a double date,” Taehyung jumps in, clinging to Jungkook’s side. Jimin forgot how happy it made him to see his best friends together.

Jimin looks up to Namjoon saying, “Yeah, of course!” Namjoon meets his eyes, but doesn’t protest. He’s still standing a little stiff. 

“Okay, good because I already packed food,” Taehyung smiles, “I wanted to have a little beach day. Jungkook’s been landlocked for the whole summer.”

Jimin can’t imagine that loss, so he’s all for it. The four of them help Taehyung gather all of the food and brave the heat together. 

As they walk down to the shore Jimin realizes that he has never been around Jungkook and Taehyung with someone else. In the past his romantic interests either never stuck around long enough or were here when Jungkook was not. It feels strange not being a third wheel.

As if he’s reading Jimin’s thoughts, Namjoon reaches to hold his hand as they walk. Jimin smiles up at him, squinting at the sun shining behind him. Namjoon’s face slowly melts into a smile.

“What?” Jimin raises his eyebrows up at him.

“You’re beautiful,” Namjoon says, leaning down to plant a chaste kiss on Jimin’s forehead. Jimin pulls away crinkling his nose, hoping he can blame the blush on the sun.

As he turns forward, Jimin sees Jungkook looking back at them with his camera. When he sees that he’s been caught, he lowers the lens with a wide smile.

“I had to. You guys are cute,” Jungkook laughs, turning back around to Taehyung, “I had to immortalize the moment.” Namjoon squeezes Jimin’s hand.

They walk down the hot sand to find the perfect spot, the spot that Jimin, Taehyung, and Jungkook always seek out every summer. It’s far enough from the most popular tourist spots, but it’s still lightly populated and easily accessible.

Taehyung slams the beach umbrella into the sand with a huff to mark their spot. Jungkook and Jimin lay out the beach towel that Namjoon secures with the cooler. 

Already taking his shirt off Taehyung announces, “Last one in the water loses!” He takes off sprinting to the water and Jungkook is close behind.

Jimin just looks over at Namjoon who’s already making himself comfortable on one of the beach blankets.

Jimin crawls over and rests his head in Namjoon’s lap, watching his friends run out to the tide hand in hand. He remembers watching them do the same thing as teenagers, just starting to realize their feelings for one another. The looks on their faces are the same.

When they had first gotten together they didn’t know how Jimin would feel. Taehyung knew his fears of isolation too well to not have at least a tinge of worry, but Jimin never felt left out or cast aside. He was just happy to see the two people he loved most in the world happy. Together. 

Namjoon brings a soft hand into Jimin’s hair, combing through slowly as they watch Jungkook and Taehyung relentlessly splashing each other with the sea water, smiles bright enough to only be rivaled by the sun.

“They’re cute,” Namjoon says, hand still running through Jimin’s hair. 

Jimin just hums in agreement, turning on his back to look up at him. His skin tone has deepened even more in the past week because of moments like this. They’ll lie out in the sun together and then get too comfortable to want to move, the desire for closeness overpowering the unpleasantness of the heat.

“So are we,” Jimin says while grabbing one of Namjoon’s hands in both of his, playing with his slender fingers, “Jungkook said so. Pictures to prove it.” He brings it up to his mouth to kiss each knuckle.

Namjoon gently smiles back down at him, moving his hand away from Jimin’s grasp to caress his cheek, “Jungkook seems like a good guy.” He smooths his thumb over Jimin’s sun kissed skin. 

“He is,” Jimin says easily, closing his eyes at the gentle touch.

“Him and Taehyung love each other a lot?” Namjoon asks. Jimin half opens his eyes to try and read Namjoon’s face. He’s staring out at the ocean, Jimin can’t really tell.

“More than anyone I’ve ever seen in my life. Real or fictional,” Jimin says honestly. Namjoon’s hand stills on Jimin’s skin.

Namjoon brings his head down to look at Jimin, his tone of voice bordering on concerned, “You’re never lonely with them around, are you?”

“No, never,” Jimin replies, smiling softly in a weak attempt to get Namjoon to. He doesn’t know why he’s asking these questions like this. It seems like his mind is somewhere else, somewhere that Jimin cannot reach.

“Jimin!” Taehyung calls out from the water. Jimin and Namjoon both turn their heads to see him motioning Jimin to come over.

Jimin gets up and offers his hand out to Namjoon.

“I don’t really want to get in the water,” Namjoon explains, leaning back down on the beach towel. Jimin’s sure that’s not the whole reason why, but he doesn’t feel like it’s the time to pry. 

Jimin pulls his shirt off and runs down the beach towards Taehyung and Jungkook. 

“Tell Jungkook to stop. He’s freaking me out and won’t listen to me,” Taehyung is laughing, but also hiding behind Jimin as he points over to where Jungkook stands. 

Jungkook is a few feet away holding a pretty big fish in one of his hands like it’s nothing. With doe eyes and a cheeky smile he just points at it when Jimin gives him a questioning look.

“Did you catch that with your bare hands?” Jimin asks, equally impressed and confused. Jungkook just nods.

“Put it back!” Jimin laughs when Jungkook pulls it up to his chest as if he’s wearing it as a tie. He feels Taehyung fall into his back in laughter as well. 

Jungkook reluctantly puts the fish back down into the water before walking back over to Jimin and Taehyung. 

“What is wrong with you?” Jimin laughs, hitting Jungkook in the arm. 

Jungkook just shrugs, “It was just right there, so I wanted to see if I could catch it.”

Jimin rolls his eyes at how much of a typical Jungkook move this is. The time away from the island hasn’t changed him at all. When they were kids Jungkook was always so fascinated by everything, barely anything scaring him. 

“Is Namjoon coming?” Taehyung asks, wading a little farther out into the water.

Jimin follows him, explaining, “He said he doesn’t want to get in the water right now.” Taehyung doesn’t push. 

Jimin and Taehyung stand side by side facing the endless horizon. Waves born out of nowhere rush towards them only to die down right before they reach their legs. The foam sticks to their tanned skin.

“When’s the last time we went to the beach? Just you and me?” Taehyung asks, his eyes not moving from the horizon line.

It takes Jimin a moment to actually remember, “My birthday. Jungkook had to leave the day before and was so upset about it that he ordered that huge cake to my house. We ate as much as we could and came out here. It was freezing and we were both crying which didn’t really help.”

Taehyung laughs at the memory now. They’re far enough removed for their melodrama to be funny.

“I can’t believe that was the last time. This used to be our thing,” Taehyung’s voice trails off as his laughter dies out. A wave rolls up to their thighs.

“It’s not like that’s the last time we hung out. Before Namjoon was here I was at your house every day,” Jimin says, trying to make it not seem so bad.

But it is true. They used to come to the beach all the time, a place equally used for celebration and self pity. Looking out at the ocean was either used for humbling themselves or diminishing worry. With something so large and powerful in your presence, it’s easy to make everything else seem small. Jimin and Taehyung walk out further into the waves. 

As they get about waist deep Taehyung asks, “How are things with Namjoon?”

“Good. Things are good,” A wave crashes into Jimin’s bare chest, “He’s good.”

“When’s he leaving?” Taehyung asks. Jimin is barely able to hear the question over the ocean. 

“He’s, um, he’s leaving next week,” Jimin says, stumbling under the push of the tide.

Taehyung looks over at Jimin, steadying him with a hand to his back, “Are you okay with that?”

A wave pushes Jimin and Taehyung back, white foam licking at their chins. Though they quickly regain their balance, Jimin still feels unsteady. He can’t even say the words, he just shakes his head. He’s not sure if the saltiness on his lips is his own or if it’s of the sea.

Taehyung wraps an arm around Jimin’s shoulder and squeezes him in tight. He looks back at the shore to see Namjoon laying out with Jungkook, both of them making light conversation in the shade of the umbrella. 

“It’ll be okay, Jimin. You never know,” Taehyung tries reassuring, but his words don’t reach Jimin. The power of the ocean is too loud. It’s pushing everything away. 

Jimin lets Taehyung hold him for a minute or so before wiping his face and standing up tall. He starts to walk back to the shore, not looking back to see if Taehyung is following him. 

“Babe, Jungkook was telling me about how you used to sing in high school. Is that true?” Namjoon asks as Jimin approaches. 

As he sits down on the blankets, Jimin hits Jungkook for spilling, “I used to. Wasn’t very good so I stopped after I graduated.”

“No, Jiminie was amazing. Better than some of the people my company signs, I swear,” Jungkook praises, casually wrapping an arm around Taehyung as he comes to sit down, as well. 

Jimin rolls his eyes, but Namjoon gapes at him, “Why did you never tell me?” 

“It’s not that big of a deal. Jungkook’s memories of my voice are biased,” Jimin sighs. 

He really liked being in his school’s choir, but he was never really happy with how his voice sounded. It was too much of a conflicting feeling to love to sing, but to never like what he was hearing, so he stopped. He’s too busy to take it seriously anymore anyways.

“I’m sure you’re just as amazing as he says,” Namjoon coos, pulling Jimin into his arms. He dips his head down to peck Jimin on the lips.

They spend the rest of the afternoon eating the food Taehyung packed over light conversation. Jimin was pleased at how easily Namjoon slid into their dynamic. It’s like he was meant to be here.

When he sees Jungkook and Taehyung cling to each other in laughter at something Namjoon says, Jimin thinks this is the perfect day. He never knew he wanted this, this ease, but now that it’s here he can’t imagine living without it. The one time that overflowing love is soothing rather than adding to the heat of things. 

Time flies quickly and the sun begins to set before they even realize. The air starts to cool and their full bellies start to lull them into an evening lethargy. The four of them turn to watch the sun dip into the ocean, all holding each other. Jimin could cry at the closeness.

“I think we’re going to head home. He’s about to fall asleep right here,” Taehyung says as he softly shakes a half-asleep Jungkook awake, “I’ll just pick my stuff up from your place tomorrow, Jimin.”

Jimin just nods and waves them goodbye, watching Taehyung gently guide Jungkook back to their home as night settles over the island.

It’s not long before Jimin and Namjoon are the only two on the beach for as far as the eye can see. The night air is cold, but not biting. Despite the drop in temperature, the ocean looks as if it’s inviting Jimin back in. 

He gets up and holds his hand out to Namjoon. He pulls the older man up to his feet, hooking his short fingers through his belt loops to pull them chest to chest.

“We’re the only ones here,” Jimin hums, reaching up on tippy toes to kiss at Namjoon’s neck. Namjoon leans his head away on instinct to give him easier access.

“Yeah?” Namjoon asks breathily, “What did you want to do?”

“Why didn’t you want to get in the water earlier?” Jimin asks into Namjoon’s salty skin, avoiding the question.

Namjoon laughs, “I didn’t want to get these shorts wet.”

Jimin’s hands linger by the button of Namjoon’s pants. He pulls away from his chest to look up into his eyes. Jimin slowly undoes the button, looking at Namjoon for approval. The slightest nod and parted lips is the only answer Jimin needs. 

He slides Namjoon’s shorts and underwear off in one swift motion before reaching down to remove his own. Bared in front of each other, Jimin takes Namjoon’s hand and guides him out to the water.

The ocean is cold against their bare skin, causing them to start shivering nearly on impact, but it’s invigorating at the same time. 

They walk out to about thigh deep, turning to each other shaking slightly in the cold. Namjoon wraps his arms around Jimin and suddenly that’s all the warmth he needs. 

Jimin looks up at him and tries to find any trace of himself in there. He feels like anyone can see traces Namjoon, his influence, his words, all over himself. He bares that part of him for the world. The part that is Namjoon. He tries to find that in Namjoon, but it’s hard. How do you know when someone has given you a piece of themselves? Will you feel it? Would you even know?

 

“What?” Namjoon asks, smiling and breaking Jimin’s spiraling thoughts.

“You’re beautiful.”

Jimin and Namjoon swim out further into the cool water, letting the ocean cover every inch of them. They stay close, arms and legs brushing past as they paddle. 

As waves roll into them, Jimin can feel himself washing away. He looks over at Namjoon and it all becomes too much very quickly. He has to get back. He has to get back to land before he drowns. Namjoon doesn’t ask questions, he just swims back silently to shore with Jimin.

Namjoon and Jimin lay out alone on the cooled, moonlit beach. The sand is soft and cold, but wrapped up in a blanket, it's not too bad. 

Jimin looks out to the waves and feels the swells reflected in his eyes.

Namjoon’s lips are on his neck, but all Jimin can think of is the sea. How it takes things away so slowly you don't even have time to get upset. They just drift out gently until you realize you can't see it anymore. Until it's too late.

“My parents are out there,” Jimin whispers, more to the tide than anything else.

“What, baby?” Namjoon mumbles into his skin.

“Their ashes. I fucking threw them out into the waves like they wanted,” Jimin feels his skin growing hot. He wants to run back into the water and dive until he finds just one piece of them. Just to have something to hold on to.

He feels Namjoon pull away from him. Just that small absence is enough to make Jimin cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so.... i like to make myself cry apparently <3


	9. anchorite

Jimin wakes up warm with strong arms wrapped around his middle. 

“Good morning, baby,” Namjoon whispers, voice raspy and thick with sleep. He kisses right below Jimin’s ear before the smaller man twists around in his arms to face him. He slowly moves in to pepper Jimin’s face with light kisses. Jimin freezes under the touch, scared to break if he gives into it.

“You have work today?”

Jimin nods, lying. The shop is always closed on Sunday.

“Okay, I’m going to get out of your hair then. I’ll be writing at the cafe if you need me,” Namjoon hums as he slides out of their bed. 

Jimin tries to call out, “stay”, but the sound doesn’t reach Namjoon’s ears.

As soon as the front door closes, Jimin shudders. He feels his throat start to tighten and his body start to shake with premature sobs. 

He can't cry yet, it's not goodbye yet. Even when it is he saw this coming. He warned himself, but he was never one for taking his own advice.

His own ocean water pooling in his eyes, Jimin shakes his head. He tries to move the rest of his body, but it refuses. It has sunken into the cushion of the bed and the warmth of morning. It'll take a lot more effort to get out of bed than that.

Jimin gathers at least enough energy to reach over to his phone and send Taehyung a quick text. He needs someone right now.

Jimin often feels bad calling on Taehyung like this. He knows his best friend doesn't mind, but he knows it hurts Taehyung just as much.

Jimin’s last relationship left him near catatonic for days when it ended. He had been dating the same boy since his sophomore year of high school. With four years under their belt and their future planned out ahead of them, if Jimin was sure of anything he was sure of _them_. He knew he was loved and in love and that's all that mattered. Until his parents died. Jimin needed him and needed to be reminded that someone was still there, but his boyfriend started seeing Jimin as clingy and overly jealous. Jimin remembers him saying that is was suffocating to be loved by him. Jimin still thinks that maybe it was.

He doesn't want to lose Namjoon in the same way, but this time he sees him slipping out of his grasp. He's scared of holding on any tighter and losing him for good.

Taehyung is the only one that has never left. Jimin holds onto him for dear life, but Taehyung easily reciprocates. Yet in moments like this Jimin feels like he's dragging him along. He knows it's not Taehyung's responsibility to get him back on his feet, but it feels much better than trying to do it alone.

As if on cue, he hears his front door open. Taehyung softly calls out into the house as he makes his way over to Jimin's bedroom.

“Where’s Namjoon? I’m surprised he’s not-” Taehyung starts to tease as he enters the bed room, but stops as soon as he sees Jimin.

Taehyung’s tone switches on a dime as he rushes to Jimin’s side, “Woah, Jiminie, baby. What’s wrong?” 

Jimin closes his eyes when he feels Taehyung squeeze around him. He takes a deep breath, smelling the sweet salt that stuck to Taehyung on his walk over. He tries to ground himself with home, the island and Taehyung, but it all feels like it's slipping away.

“It's okay,” Taehyung coos, combing fingers through Jimin's hair, “Take your time.”

Jimin feels like he stays there for hours, sobbing what he cannot say. He doesn't even know how he'll find the words to speak on this. 

“You and Jungkook,” Jimin’s voice wavers and he hates it, “How did you do it?”

Taehyung, knowing exactly what he's asking, gives Jimin weary look before starting,“Whenever Jungkook left it was hard as hell. I’m not going to lie to you. I never want to be home. I never want to go anywhere that reminds me of him, but that’s kind of hard to avoid. I knew travelling was just part of his job, so I pretty much signed up to be lonely a lot of the time.”

“But you know that he’ll always comes back,” Jimin says so quiet he's almost surprised that Taehyung can hear.

Taehyung sinks, “Yeah, I guess I do.”

Jimin feels tears start to accumulate in his eyes again. He hugs tighter into Taehyung, burying his face into his shoulder. Maybe if he gets close enough he won't feel so alone.

“Do you know that Namjoon won’t?” Taehyung asks, voice soft and gentle. Maybe even hopeful if Jimin didn’t know any better.

Jimin shrugs. He’s already convinced himself that he’ll never see Namjoon again for the rest of his life. Even if he comes back to the island next summer, there’s no way Jimin could stomach seeing him after a year alone.

Taehyung interrupts his thought process, “Can I just be brutally honest with you? As your best friend and soulmate?” 

Jimin just nods, thinking he’s about to be told something he doesn’t hear. And then Taehyung clears his throat and takes Jimin’s hands in his own. He’s _absolutely_ about to be told something he doesn’t want to hear.

“You can’t rely on people this much. You need to learn to be fully happy by yourself. I’m not saying you can’t be sad when he leaves because by all means you deserve to be. But,” Taehyung pauses to collect himself before saying something that really hurts Jimin, “You can’t just fall apart because someone is gone. You place your entire sense of self worth and happiness in these people that you know are going to leave and I can’t stand to watch it anymore.”

“But Namjoon is good. He’s not-” Jimin tries to argue, but a sob bubbling up stops him in his tracks. Namjoon wouldn’t leave him. He has no reason to. It’s not going to happen. They’re going to figure it out.

“I know he is. He’s a great guy and would never do anything to hurt you if he didn’t have to,” Taehyung sighs as he rubs reassuring circles on Jimin’s back, “But he has a whole different life to lead. He has to leave.”

Taehyung winces as he feels Jimin’s body start to heave against his own. He hasn’t held Jimin like this since his parents died. Since who he thought was the love of his life up and disappeared. It’s more than just Namjoon leaving; all of Jimin’s fears are crashing back down on him at once. Jimin cries into his shoulder for what seems like forever before calming down enough to speak. 

“I'm sorry,” Jimin sniffles, “For always dragging you into shit that's my fault in the first place. I just get so attached and-”

“Stop. Don't apologize. I shouldn't have said that right now. You deserve to be upset,” Taehyung says as he guides Jimin's head back down onto his shoulder.

“I shouldn't have texted you. I shouldn't have forced you to-” 

Taehyung stops Jimin in his tracks with just a look, “You didn't force me to do anything. I'm glad you texted me. I don't want you to be like this alone.”

The last sentence rolls through Jimin's head.

“Do I make you worry?” he asks softly, pulling away to look into Taehyung's eyes for the first time today. They're just as red rimmed as Jimin's.

“Of course you do. But it's because I love you,” Taehyung says like it's nothing, “I want to worry about you because I need you in my life forever.”

The tears at bay in Jimin's eyes start rolling down in buckets at that. He practically jumps back into Taehyung's arms, holding on as tight as he can. That's all he ever wanted to hear from someone. Forever is a lot to ask for, but he knows Taehyung means it.

They stay connected as Jimin calms back down. Bodies looking like one in the tearful morning, they slowly start to untangle themselves and find their own bodies again. 

“I should go see him,” Jimin says, voice barely a whisper.

“Are you sure?” Taehyung asks softly. He knows it’s not a good idea right now, but he also knows nothing he will say will stop Jimin from going.

Jimin just nods and gets up from the bed for the first time all morning. He still doesn't feel great, but knowing Taehyung is there is always more helpful than he realizes.

He changes out of the clothes he fell asleep in and hugs Taehyung one more time before braving the sunlight. 

Jimin hasn't been to the cafe Namjoon frequents in a while, but it's not hard to find. Nestled in the heart of the city it's usually packed, but it looks uncharacteristically calm this morning. It makes it easy to spot Namjoon sitting alone in his corner. Jimin feels his heart rate quicken as he walks over to sit across from him.

“Hey,” Jimin says, voice almost a whisper. 

Namjoon looks up surprised, “Hey! I thought you had work.”

Jimin smiles, lying, “I forgot it was Sunday.”

Namjoon’s hand gently presses into Jimin's, rubbing small circles with his thumb. It takes every inch of Jimin to not close his eyes.

“I brought you something,” Jimin says pulling away, hands shaking.

He reaches down into his bag to pull out a neatly wrapped gift that he knew he was going to give to Namjoon eventually. He wishes he wasn't giving it to him like this, but he doesn't really have much of a choice.

Namjoon gently takes it from Jimin's hands, surprised to be getting anything. He unfolds the paper like it's breakable.

“It's, um, it's this journal that I thought you would really like. It was made on the island in the 70s, actually. I- I, uh, I wrote a few things in it already. Just for memories or something,” Jimin stutters, feeling his throat tightening through the explanation. He doesn't realize he's started to cry.

Namjoon traces over the cover with the lightest touch, in awe of the gift. He opens it to see that Jimin has written pages and pages, recounting their days together. He snaps it shut as if he's scared of the words slipping out.

When he finally looks up, his eyes widen at the sight of Jimin's tear streaked face, “No, don't cry. Jimin, don't cry. This is beautiful, thank you.” Namjoon gets out of his seat to take Jimin in his arms.

“Do you want to go back to my hotel?” Namjoon asks, Jimin's face hidden in his chest. When he feels Jimin nod against him, he begins to quickly gather up all of his belongings.

The hotel is thankfully only a block or two away from the café. The sun is too bright for a day like this. 

Jimin stands awkwardly in the middle of the hotel room, he doesn’t know what to do with his hands. His eyes are tired from crying and he’s beginning to nurse a headache. Namjoon hands him a glass of water and urges him to drink. He waits for Jimin to finish the whole glass before leading him to sit down on the bed.

“So,” Namjoon clears his throat, “I feel like we should talk, but I don’t really know where to start.”

Jimin dips his head, feeling his heart catch at the sound of Namjoon’s voice. He knows he needs to be at least a little bit stronger than this, but he’s tired of being strong. 

“I’ll start by saying I care about you a lot,” Namjoon says, taking Jimin’s hands in his. He rubs his thumbs over Jimin’s smooth skin in an attempt at comfort. 

“I also want to apologize,” Jimin tries to protest before he even hears it, but Namjoon continues to talk, “You never said anything explicitly, but I sensed your fears. I knew I was leaving, but I let you latch onto me. Or rather I latched onto you. I knew the separation was inevitable, but I was too weak to stop. I wanted you too much.”

Jimin doesn’t look up when he questions, “Wanted?”

“Want,” Namjoon clarifies. 

He continues on, “You gave me the best summer of my life, I’m sure of it. And I’ll never forget it, but that’s all it will be.”

Jimin swallows down the sob that threatens to break through his lips. Knowing it was one thing, but hearing Namjoon say it is a whole new world of pain. He sure Namjoon feels his grip tighten.

Namjoon sighs, “I can’t stay and you can’t leave. We knew this and I don’t want to put you through the hell that is attempted long distance with me. It never ends well, I know from experience. You don’t deserve to be tied down to me.”

Jimin wants to shout, _But what if I want to be? Your love is written all over my body for everyone to see anyways_. But he doesn’t. He focuses on not crying instead.

“Please don’t think I didn’t mean everything I said. You are the kindest and most breathtaking person I have ever met and just the thought of you sparing me a second glance is still crazy to me,” Namjoon says in a weak attempt to get Jimin to smile. To no one’s surprise, it doesn’t work.

“How-” Jimin’s voice cracks on his first word, “How are you so calm about this?” Jimin feels immature, cheeks red and wet with tears in front of a relatively stone faced Namjoon.

“I think I accepted this reality a while ago,” Namjoon admits, almost ashamedly. 

“It doesn’t feel fair,” Jimin whispers, letting another tear drop from his eyes. Namjoon lifts a hand to dry his cheek.

Jimin laughs bitterly, “I feel so selfish. For making you feel bad about this. It’s my own fucking separation complex and I-” His voice breaks off before he gets any further. Namjoon wraps his arms around him and tucks him into his chest. 

“You’re not making me feel bad about this. I feel bad because I’m hurting someone I care about exactly how I knew I would.”

“But I knew it was temporary and I still-”

Namjoon pulls away to look Jimin in his eyes, saying, “Stop blaming yourself for things that aren’t your fault. You can’t live a life of denying your feelings out of fear of being hurt. Sometimes pain inevitably comes along with the greatest pleasures.”

Namjoon’s words coil around Jimin’s heart, squeezing until it admits that they’re true. 

Namjoon brings Jimin back into his arms, whispering, “I never wanted to hurt you.”

“I know,” Jimin replies, more into Namjoon’s skin than their air around them. 

“But I did. I was selfish,” Namjoon says as he presses kisses into the top of Jimin’s head. Jimin tries to memorize the featherlike touch.

“You say it like I didn’t want it, too,” Jimin argues. He doesn’t want to see Namjoon put all the blame on himself. It takes two.

But Namjoon doesn’t back down, “You were cautious at first. And I pushed. I pushed even though I knew I wouldn’t stay in the end.”

“But I-” Jimin tries to collect his thoughts, “I thought-” His words fail him. He clutches small fists into the fabric of the older man’s shirt. Namjoon rubs his hand up and down Jimin’s back. 

“I thought if I loved you enough you’d stay,” saying it out loud makes Jimin feel childish, but it's the truth. He feels like pulling his hands back when Namjoon falls silent.

“Jimin, did you- are you-” Namjoon has a hard time figuring exactly what he wants to ask, “Do you think you’re in love with me?”

Jimin feels his whole body clench as the sobs that he has been holding back refuse to be restrained any longer. Namjoon pulls him in tighter, but says nothing.

“I’m sorry,” Jimin gasps out into Namjoon’s chest, feeling the tear dampened fabric against his skin. Even that will fade eventually.

“Don’t ever apologize for that. Not to me, not to anyone,” Namjoon’s tone is deadly serious. His large hands firmly grab onto Jimin’s back and head as if he knows his touch is the only thing holding him together.

Neither of them say anything until Jimin’s breathing calms, his sobs reduce to the occasional sniff. He lifts his head up as Namjoon gently places his hands on either side of his face. Jimin can see himself inside of his eyes, but he’s not sure if it’s real or just a reflection.

“What time are you leaving?” Jimin asks, voice quiet, but finally unwavering. He watches intently, trying to decipher every emotion that passes through Namjoon’s face. It settles on the sad smile that both of them have gotten too used to.

“Let’s go to sleep, we’ll deal with that tomorrow,” Namjoon kisses Jimin’s forehead. Jimin wants him to do it again, touch him everywhere so he can etch it into memory. Namjoon starts to pull away and Jimin scrambles out to reconnect their bodies. 

“Wait. Can I-” Jimin whispers, “I want to be with you. One more time, please.”

Namjoon is reluctant, but he was never one to deny Jimin. Despite the overwhelming care and pleasure, it takes a lot for Jimin to not cry while they fuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi! i think i'm going to upload the final chapter/epilogue today. kind of late warning if u haven't sensed it by now lol but a sad ending is coming. ive been consuming a lot of sad gay media lately (go figure...) so that's kind of where my mind is at.


	10. i will never want to fall in love again

The morning is dark and raining. The sun doesn’t dare show it’s face today. Two voices share the darkness.

“I’m leaving today.”

“I know.”

“Can’t you look me in the eyes?”

“Can’t.”

“Why?”

“Hurts.”

“Oh.”

Silence hangs uncomfortably between them. Tongues and hearts turn to lead and sink down to the bottom of their stomachs.

Jimin spends the rest of the morning sitting on the edge of Namjoon’s hotel bed watching him pack his suitcase while trying in vain to make light conversation. Namjoon asks about how the store is doing and what their plans are for autumn, not realizing that just the mere mention of the seasons changing is enough for Jimin to have to excuse himself to let out a few tears in private. He comes back to the room blaming the sniffling on a bad allergy.

“Do you want to go get lunch?” Namjoon asks, zipping up his suitcase.

“Sure,” Jimin hopes his voice doesn’t reflect how jaggedly his heart is breaking.

What Jimin doesn’t expect is for Namjoon to lead them to the same bistro across from the shop. Jimin feels the same weakness in his knees that he did that day except this time it’s not the fault of the heat. 

As they eat Jimin can’t bring himself to say much, scared his voice will betray him and come out cracked and watery. He just smiles and listens to Namjoon talk excitedly about his plans for the upcoming semester. He could listen to Namjoon talk all day. 

“Are you not hungry?” Namjoon asks, watching Jimin just poke at the food on his plate after only taking two or so bites. 

“Not really,” Jimin answers quietly, putting his fork down and folding his hands in his lap. Namjoon doesn’t say anything else. 

Jimin’s gaze drifts out to the beach and no one is out there due to the poor weather. It’s odd seeing it empty, the tide undisturbed. _At least the waves are still the waves_.

But they aren’t. When Jimin looks out he sees Namjoon chasing him into the waves. He sees Namjoon lifting him out of the water and kissing him salty and sweet. He sees them swimming out bared for each other. He sees the waves with them in it. 

A drop of his own ocean water hits the table. In the silence between them, the impact is deafening. 

“Jimin,” Namjoon’s voice is too sweet. Jimin closes his eyes tight, but still feels tears gathering. 

“Jimin.”

When Namjoon says his name, he feels his chest constrict. He used to yearn for the sound, but right now he feels like he’ll fall apart if he hears it one more time. He doesn’t know how many more times he will hear it.

Jimin looks back up into Namjoon’s eyes and immediately wishes he hadn’t. He sees himself reflected in Namjoon’s own watery eyes. He sees the tear streaked cheeks that he spent the summer kissing. He sees them breaking apart from each other right in front of their eyes. 

“I’m sorry,” Namjoon’s voice is quieter than Jimin’s ever heard it. Jimin tries to dry his eyes, but the effort is in vain. 

"Don't say that," Jimin croaks out. He's glad the bistro is empty. He doesn't want anyone to hear him like this.

Namjoon shakes his head and quickly wipes a tear away from his own cheek, "But I am. How could I not be?"

Jimin doesn't have an answer, dropping his gaze to his barely touched plate. Jimin has experienced loss before, but he's never seen the remorse of the one that leaves. He feels like he doesn't deserve to be cried over. Despite his previous wishes for lasting memory, seeing Namjoon like this has Jimin hoping that Namjoon forgets about him once he gets back home. He'll be happier than this. He'll find someone he can easily love without the clock always ticking in the background. Everyone can find someone else, can't they?

"Fuck," Namjoon harshly whispers, "I didn't want this day to go like this."

Jimin looks up at that, courageous enough to ask, "How did you want it to go?" 

"I wanted to see you smile, hear you laugh. I wanted my last memory of you to be a happy one," Namjoon clears his throat, "But I think with the way I've made things it's a little too late for that."

Jimin wants to give him that, but he knows it won't happen. There is no way he could bear it today. But at the least he can try not to cry anymore, that should count for something.

They leave the bistro not long after, unable to look at each other trying to hold themselves together by themselves for the first time. Namjoon hails a taxi to get to the small airport on the corner of the island. The ride is long and silent. Jimin reaches for Namjoon’s hand, letting their hands rest intertwined on the seat between them. He watches them bounce along with the car, grip only tightening with every bump. 

After about thirty minutes of deafening quiet, Namjoon and Jimin climb out of the small car. Standing under the small awning, Jimin watches the rain bounce off of the asphalt. He watches people rushing in and out of the large glass doors, excitedly coming and going. Jimin hasn’t been to the airport since the last time they were saying goodbye to Jungkook. 

Jimin knows he can only avoid the inevitable for so long, finally turning to Namjoon after taking in his surroundings. 

Namjoon and Jimin stand before each other as awkward as they started as if everything between them was never there in the first place. _They_ were just summer’s cruel way of passing the time. _They_ were just two people who happened to melt into each other in the heat of summer. Autumn demands bodies to ossify on their own two feet. 

As much as Jimin doesn’t want to look up into Namjoon’s eyes, he knows this is his last chance to see him like this. Summer will sweep _them_ away with its last sunset. What Jimin sees is Namjoon’s face separate from his own for the first time since June. There is no trace of him inside of it any more, their bodies have already slipped back apart to their own. _I guess I belong to me now_ , he thinks.

Namjoon adjusts his bag on his shoulder before timidly speaking, “This kind of feels stupid to say now, but thank you for everything. Really,” He pauses as if he’s rolling around his next words in his head, “I’ll text you when I land, okay?”

All Jimin can manage is a nod before falling into a kiss that disappears as soon as it starts.

“It was fun while it lasted,” Jimin finally chokes out with the closest thing to a smile that he can muster. _But it didn’t_. Tears stream down his face in hot ribbons, though he’d sworn he wouldn’t let that happen again. He knew better than to yearn in vain. Summer never lets anything last, anyways. 

GONE GONE / THANK YOU - TYLER THE CREATOR AS THE CREDITS ROLL

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah... so... thank you so much to the few of you that read. I know this wasn't the most fun read due to the overwhelming sad tone, but it meant a lot to me. Writing this helped me a lot with figuring out my own shit, giving me an outlet to cry about the people leaving in my own life in a different way. But, yeah. Thank you. The next thing I write won't be this depressing, but I needed to let this one out.

**Author's Note:**

> hellooo! i'm really excited about starting this one, i'm pretty proud of how it's turning out so far. i've always wanted to write something like this, so i hope you guys enjoy :)


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